[ spock is not entirely sure how he ended up taking four of the same classes with james t. kirk.
they are often, to use a human phrase, 'neck-and-neck' in grades, with one or the other eking in front before being overtaken again. it drives spock up the wall, to use another human phrase. he is unused to being anything less than the absolute best since arriving at the academy: he struggled to an extent in his schooling on vulcan, but by the time he left to join starfleet he had been far past the days where he felt like a disappointment.
starfleet academy has been far more diverse, far more engaging, and far more accepting. spock does not think he will ever feel fully comfortable with who and what he is but that is the nature of existing in a liminal space: he is the product of two worlds and thus will never fully belong in either. he must be resigned to that.
in the academy, he is allowed to simply be spock. not an image, not a poster child, not an experiment.
and currently, being spock is being only 3 points ahead of kirk in the grading of the class they are currently in. they have been paired together for a project, which is both an annoyance and a boon: their grades will be tied together so there is no way kirk can surpass him, but it also means he must swallow a measure of his pride to work with him.
none of this is to say he dislikes kirk: on the contrary, he finds the man fascinating. however, this does not mean it is acceptable to allow him to overtake spock academically.
they are, at the moment, seated across from one another in the library. spock has a padd in front of him on which he has taken copious notes. he is also looking at kirk with a vague air of confusion. ]
Please explain your reasoning for picking that particular topic to cover.
[ Contrary to popular belief, Jim is not intentionally needling the Vulcan.
He can admit he's enjoying their little academic rivalry - and, perhaps, encouraging it to a certain degree. A healthy amount, Jim would argue. What? He'd hate for Spock to get bored. But it's not an unfriendly competition - okay, sometimes it's hard to tell whether it is or it isn't on Spock's end, but it definitely isn't on Jim's end, and he's 90% sure it isn't contentious on Spock's. 80%. Okay, 75% on a bad day.
It's true that Jim likes to tease - likes to pull pigtails and be contrary, but never, ultimately, that difficult. Is it his fault the furrow Spock gets in his brow whenever Jim's papers fall just behind Spock's on the grand total grading rubric (or, on occasion, just ahead, though Spock doesn't let him hold those records for too long, usually) is delightful to behold?
Shh, listen, Jim doesn't know what anyone may or may not have heard, but it's not his fault he's giving Spock a run for his credits. The truth is, Jim enjoys it. Genuinely, he does. They're both accustomed to the top, it seems, and maybe Jim likes that he's always a step or so behind Spock, threatening to catch up, unwilling to let Spock have the comfortable lead on his peers he's expecting. Jim enjoys the way Spock keeps him on his toes, the way Spock actually has him trying in PHYS400, a course on Warp Theory and Postwarp Theory in the Science track Jim was auditing as an elected supplement to his ASTRG103 class, for his Command track Astrogation qualification.
He really does find Postwarp Theory interesting, but maybe it was worth it just to see Spock's face when Jim strolled into a Science track class he didn't even need to take. It's not strictly necessary for what he's trying to achieve, it's true, but Spock's presence in the class has Jim actively ensuring he's ahead on his reading.
Not that he took the class for Spock. That would be ludicrous, what with his ridiculous schedule, trying to pack six years of classes into three. They were already in multiple other classes together - Jim's just committed to the bit, that's all. Don't worry about it.
Jim probably should have seen the partnership coming, given that between the two of them, they were already pushing DIPL200 up an extraordinary amount on Lt. Commander Sofak's grading curve. Word must have gotten around, because Jim's never been assigned a partner before. Does that make this all the more amusing? Maybe. Don't tell Spock.
Jim's sitting across from Spock, feet kicked up on one chair, allowing him to push back onto two of four legs in the chair he's actually sitting in, rocking absently back and forth. His notes are a mixture of one Starfleet-issue padd, one nightmare fuel bootleg padd with a crack in the screen that Jim's clearly bastardized for whatever it is he's doing with it, and a physical notebook with cramped chickenscratch writing - Jim prefers to do his math by hand, sometimes, and the pages are littered with numbers, from all directions, as though Jim just grabs the paper anytime he's trying to work something out, and it hardly matters whether the notebook is upside down or not when he grabs it.
Jim's not paying attention to any of it, though, because he's busy trying to catch popcorn in his mouth, flipping kernels up in the air with expert flicks of his thumb, answering without looking at his classmate. ] Come on, Spock. You know optimizing matter recycling is the key to enabling deeper space missions.
[ Is that what the topic is about? Ignore Jim - Spock's confusion is understandable, given that the top of the three-page proposal Jim emailed to him for their essay topic reads Hooked On Hydroponics: They're A-Maizeing!
...alright, maybe the title is still a work in progress, but the rest of the proposal is sound.
Jim misses a piece of popcorn, tipping his chair back dangerously to try and catch it - the legs teeter, threatening to dump him on the floor, but his equilibrium holds. ]
[ kirk's teasing is a source of consternation for spock—or, perhaps confusion is a better word. is is used to the concept of teasing, but it has always, in the past, been malicious means of achieving a negative reaction from him with the intention to wound. this is not that. it is certainly something, but even spock, who still struggles to "read the room" as he has been instructed many times by his fellow cadets, is able to tell that kirk is not in any way being malicious.
however, that just means he does not know what kirk is being.
other than the only person able to make his coursework more engaging as he adds an actual measure of competition to it that simply does not exist among their other classmates.
and despite the fact that spock dislikes the lack of respect with which kirk is treating the furniture, his eyes darting with at least a small measure of judgement to the way the chair he sits in is tilted, the manner in which he takes his notes and does his work is just as fascinating as the man himself. spock has his own habit of hand-written notes, though he has not included them today. generally it is saved for his personal projects, which he is not in the habit of sharing until he has concrete results and may submit a paper including the data.
the popcorn antics, however, are their own entity and spock genuinely hates that part, unable to keep his gaze from following the kernal that kirk drops on its journey to the floor before he slowly drags his attention back toward kirk himself, openly expectant.
when he speaks, his tone is dry. however, there does in fact still exist a small percentage of befuddlement in it. ]
I am aware of this fact. Allow me to clarify. Are the puns an important enduring aspect of your work process?
[ Jim offers Spock a lazy grin - or an approximation of one, because surely he's faking the slacker routine, right? Spock's look back at him would be blank, to anyone else, but Jim is reasonably confident he can parse out the unspoken criticism. He seems to thrive on it, in fact, toying with another piece of popcorn, held between thumb and forefinger. ] You bet your ass they are. Essential, actually, whole thing crumbles apart without it.
[ It might sound like a joke, especially when combined with the amused twist to Jim's mouth, but when he drops all four legs of the chair back to the floor, the energy shift to something far more engaged is apparent. Jim fixes Spock with an intent look, passion and intelligence working in concert behind blue eyes. ] A paper isn't just about facts, it's an opportunity to make the person reading it care about what you're saying. The pun is a hook, something to make us stand out at a glance. Mnemonics have a proven increase in learning and recall by roughly 20% in humans.
[ Jim opens his hand, the popcorn kernel sitting on the flat of his palm. He picks it up with the other, holding it up to eye level. ] Remarkable, isn't it? Federation's most renewable resource. This baby is used as raw fuel for so many things, including replicators - so, most of our food and material supply - produced en masse right here on Earth. It's easy to grow, stupidly easy to replenish, and ecologically-friendly.
[ Jim turns the popped kernel to the side, as if to examine every angle of it. ] Now imagine what we could do if we were able to streamline hydroponic production of this bad boy for deep space travel. How far we could go, Spock! Uncharted space!
[ Jim pops the kernel into his mouth, reaching over with the other hand - the one holding the bag of popcorn he's been munching on - offering it to Spock with a cheeky grin. The reason for it becomes obvious a moment later when he says (sounding unreasonably pleased with himself): ] A-maize-ing, right?
[ there is a moment during this in which spock mouths 'bet your ass' with some manner of—okay, the truth is, he has no clue what the hell that means. the question marks floating over his head are practically palpable.
however, to his credit, he does listen to kirk's entire spiel, though his eyebrows slowly raise so high they almost fully disappear into his bangs, which is impressive because he's already got those like, cunty super short bangs going? point is, they're WAY up there.
however, the fact (because it is a fact) about mnemonics does get his hackles down slightly. it's true, and he does need to take that into account, though he still finds himself saying— ]
—I find it remarkable that anything more than the facts would be required to make someone 'care' about the subject if they are presented in a concise, enlightening manner.
[ other than that though, he doesn't speak until the very end. unfortunately for kirk's self-satisfaction, the pun just gets a blank look. not even a twitch of the corner of his mouth. cold.
he does, at least, politely incline his head in appreciation for the offer of popcorn, though even the thought of touching something, say, buttery, with his bare hands, and not having a way to wash said hands afterward, is enough to make him have no desire to eat any of it whatsoever.
THAT SAID, kirk's reasonings are sound and his arguments well-grounded. the facts of the subject matter are clear and will prove both interesting and beneficial to delve into and cover. ]
I still would not use that term, but I am intrigued by the practical applications you mention.
[ most of it's unconscious: that is, the way admiral kirk treats spock. he keeps his home a few degrees warmer than humans generally find completely comfortable, he always has vulcan teas and plenty of vegetarian options on hand, he often speaks in accented but nearly fluent vulcan when they're alone.. and he touches him. he touches him more, not less, than he does other people, in fact. usually it's a hand on his arm, or fingers brushing his shoulder, or fingers brushing fingers over a chess set, or handing him a cup, or just in passing.
it's not intentional, just the clear habit of long years together with the spock he'd known and loved. they'd been married, he'd admitted eventually, months ago, after one too many glasses of whiskey, as if it hadn't already been obvious. but it had hurt to say, hurt to think about, and he hadn't wanted to put any kind of pressure or expectation on spock. this spock and jim kirk, he'd said, had to make their own decisions about their own relationship, whatever it would or wouldn't be.
the enterprise is back for repairs, and since jim himself is back on earth after another tiresome diplomatic mission, well, it had seemed only natural to catch up with chris and the others, and then invite spock to dinner. it's not unusual for them, particularly now that jim knows spock finds it easier to talk to him, but it has been months since they've been in the same room together like this.
and now? after dinner, jim sits curled comfortably on his couch, nursing a glass of his favorite whiskey in his lap, whole body turned toward spock as he explains the particulars of his latest research project. the moment's soft and familiar and intimate-- or, rather, there are echoes of intimacy. another time, another spock. they would have been closer, even, than they are now. spock's knee would be brushing his, his fingertips sliding between jim's own, that corner of his mouth quirking the way it only ever does for jim. ]
Ashayam, I like where you're going with this, but I genuinely don't think you're going to convince Dr. Whelk to send you her data, and I'm not young enough to try batting my eyelashes at her anymore.
[ several seconds pass before he realizes what he's said, and he immediately winces, the haze of familiarity clearing up like a splash of cold water. he reaches up, pinching the bridge of his nose. ] God, I'm sorry, Spock. That was-- I don't know why I said that. [ no, that's not completely true. after the better part of a year here, it's hard not to.. feel.. things, however inappropriate they might be. ]
[ for jim the actions are unconscious; for spock he's gotten so used to it, to the little bits of fondness he's desperate for, that he's started trying to get more of it whenever possible. he wants to be treated this way by someone who clearly already knows exactly how to interact with him both with the nature of how he touches spock and how he speaks to him, knowing but not prying, taking his comfort into account without thought. to speak so easily in a tongue most humans struggle with no matter how long they try—
—there is absolutely nothing wrong with the jim kirk who is nearer spock's age, the jim kirk who so very recently had introduced himself with a handshake, of all things. however, spock finds interacting with admiral kirk to be, yes, easier. it is easier to share things that would feel like unconscionable secrets with a jim who knows him so fully already, who spock is aware knows every horrible, unlovable part of him and still looks at him with such fondness that more than once spock has felt overwhelmed simply from that.
spock had his own admission to jim months prior: he is lonely in the wake of losing both t'pring and christine for differing reasons, both of which feel like his fault (even though one is and the other is not, spock is only ever truly unkind to himself in these matters). he feels not enough. but spock has never not been enough for jim kirk, despite not being the bondmate he had clearly lost.
he finds that he misses jim most of all even though their partings are only ever temporary, even though he is always just a message away. that should frighten him. he should excise the feelings, stop trying to be for jim what he had lost. he should focus, should keep things to the human definition of friend, but he finds he cannot.
he wonders, often, if he's obvious or if jim simply feels it's a matter of course because it's what he's used to. jim is equal parts easy to read and impossible to decipher. but moments like this, when they can meet in person again, can sit together and discuss things like this that show spock every corner of jim's brilliant mind, one of the most attractive things about him if he's quite honest.
he is, briefly, distracted from the conversation. a fleeting, unbidden thought that he finds more and more difficult to suppress each time they're together. distracted just long enough that ashayam hits him like a blow as he starts piecing together his response about the data in his head and his eyes widen slightly, spine going rail straight as he feels his face heating up, going green from the neck to the tips of his ears. his heart beats faster in his side, he knows it was just reflexive on jim's part, an echo of the husband he lost, but for spock—
for spock, it's too late. jim's voice forming the word has nestled in his head, in his heart, and a vulcan's unique combination of both eidetic memory and hyperthymesia means he'll never, ever forget what it sounds like.
it takes him long enough to school his expression that jim has already started to apologize.
spock realizes, all at once, that if he doesn't do this, he likely never will.
so he reaches out, fingers grazing jim's knee, then along the side of his hand. purposeful, as he tilts his head just enough to catch the admiral's gaze. he is, unfortunately, fully aware that his cheeks are still stained green, but it's too late. it doesn't matter. his thumb brushes the line of jim's wrist. ]
Apology is unnecessary when offense has not been taken, Jim.
[ uncharacteristically, he feels himself starting to hold his breath before he forces himself to keep his respiration even. ]
[ trapped somewhere between humiliation and surging grief, he doesn't notice what's happening with spock until he feels fingers touch his knee. he nearly jolts, startled by the contact, but those fingers crawl up to his hand, to his wrist, thumb against his suddenly-racing pulse. his other hand drops away from his eyes, surprise making his breath hiccup once in his chest as he takes in the younger man gazing at him. spock is blushing, and oh, god, this is so dangerous.
a better, stronger man would disengage, would gently end the evening, reassert some boundaries. after all, spock is lonely. they're both lonely. jim has a broken bond that keeps reaching for this younger version of his husband, and spock's never met anyone that understands him so thoroughly. jim has been too familiar with him, too close, too intimate. he doesn't belong in this time or this reality. he's confusing whatever spock and the younger jim kirk could be. he knows all this, and he sees it, but he also knows that he's not a better or a stronger man. ]
I-- [ his voice wavers, a lump in his throat as he stares into the younger man's flushed, earnest face. spock doesn't even have to open up the connection jim had shared with his older counterpart, jim can see in his expression what hearing that endearment had meant to him. there's something electric in the curl of his strong fingers, in his dark, intense gaze. ]
You should feel offended, [ he finishes a little weakly, conviction noticeably missing from his voice. the truth is, though spock will always in jim's eyes be his husband, but younger, and the comparisons are impossible to avoid.. he's also very simply himself. and the longer that jim is here, the more of this spock's uniqueness he notices, he likes. he's even, shamefully, felt his thoughts drift toward him on long, sleepless nights; nights when he misses his bondmate's warmth at his back, his breath against his nape, the weight of his arm over his waist.
another breath shudders out of him, and he turns his wrist beneath spock's hand, fingertips dragging along his palm as he pulls back, then slides his fingers between the younger man's. ]
:) you have let me out of my self-imposed prison and now you will suffer
[ for a long moment, spock searches jim's expression. watches him, watches his reactions, feels the jumbled emotions drag across his nerves through the transference from just this touch alone.
had jim said any of those things aloud, spock would have mild but somehow deadpan answers to them. a big one certainly being the simplest: from the very moment admiral kirk ended up in this particular timeline, the course of it had begun to change. there is no knowing, now, where things will go, because this has never happened before.
kaiidth, he might say, if he were feeling particularly insistent. we are where and when we are meant to be.
but jim doesn't say any of those things aloud. instead he tells spock to be offended, that he should be, and to that spock finds himself able to actually breathe out what counts as a full laugh, from him. ]
You are well aware, [ he says, tone arch despite the flush still on his cheeks, his ears, ] that I am uniquely unsuited to doing what I should.
[ but then jim's hand is turning against his, and it's spock's breath that shudders quietly this time as jim's fingers drag along his palm so, so much more intimately than he ever has before, when he threads their fingers in a manner that he knows they're both aware would be uniquely obscene if anyone were to see it—
—he shivers, unable to help himself, and leans closer. ]
I do not wish to be offended, and so I will not be.
[ spock's breath hitches, as he'd known it would. it's illicit, the slide of their fingers together, deliberate, shockingly, breathtakingly intimate. jim knows to slide his thumb along the side of spock's, then drag over his mount-of-venus. he holds his gaze as he does so, heart fluttering unsteadily as spock leans in closer. ]
It's one of many qualities that will make you an incredible but deeply frustrating first officer, [ jim agrees with a sigh that's gentle, that's helpless in its adoration. ] Not to mention a stubborn bastard of a bondmate. [ god, he shouldn't say that. spock isn't his husband, but jim doesn't want to think about him bonding with anyone else, either.
his free hand sets his glass aside, then lifts, curling against the hot-flushed curve of spock's pointed ear, then gliding down to cup the side of his neck. heat prickles along his own skin at the familiarity of it, echoes of a hundred times, a thousand times before, the memory of a hand on his hip or his waist or his ribs, splayed against his back, curled around his bicep. fingertips against his face, mind-to-mind. a hundred-thousand times spock has touched him in the halls of the enterprise or on some new planet or in one of their bedrooms, in their beds, skin-to-skin.
he tries. he really tries to push it all back down, to make this only the present, only jim and this moment, this spock, but it's impossible. spock is spock is spock, all the things that make them the same and all the things that make them unique, and he aches with the months of trying to pretend he doesn't feel just like him, that heart and mind and soul don't yearn in their entirety. every inch of him has been telling him that this man is his husband, his bondmate, t'hy'la, even though it feels disrespectful to both of them to believe it. ]
Spock-- [ heat pricks at his eyes, grief and desire and love and pain, and he squeezes them shut. this can't be casual or experimental or some kind of fling for him, and he knows that spock knows that, wouldn't still be here encouraging this if it wasn't important to him, too.
it's that thought alone that allows him to open his eyes again, lean forward, and kiss him. ]
[ logically, spock knew this would happen if their encounters went in this direction. knew that jim would know how and where to touch, as he always has in all other ways.
knowing it logically doesn't make the sound in his throat any easier to swallow when jim's thumb brushes his hand in ways, in places, no human should be able to know exactly how to do with such ease; it drives a heated spike of want through him, his heart pounding a little harder in his side, the look in his eyes as jim watches his expression not unease or regret but the sharp and sudden realization that he is, in fact, well in over his head when it comes to being able to even pretend to keep his steadiness.
because his breath hitches again as jim speaks, his brow furrowing just so with the effort of not saying something incredibly stupid right off the bat. he wants to, but he doesn't.
instead, he says: ]
I have under good authority that you enjoy both deeply frustrating and stubborn bastard.
[ which is a start; an attempt at regaining some sense of attitude, of teasing. until jim's hand slots against his ear, down his neck, and he swallows. what spock doesn't realize though, is that while some things are clearly learned, others simply come naturally: he tilts his head into the touch, the movement at once both his own instinct and a perfect echo of what jim surely knows, the angle exact.
so too is the hand at jim's bicep, which is where it ends up settling of the options the admiral had been thinking of. also natural, instinctive, simply where it makes sense, is logical to touch.
spock has found he is not a being adept at flings. he learned so the hard way when he expected much more of what christine wanted than she actually did. they are both, jim and himself, aware that this is not casual or experimental in any way.
no, the way spock presses into the kiss to return it is practically fervent in its want, in how it feels, oddly, like coming home from a long journey in a way he's almost frightened to think about for too long.
he focuses instead on each point they touch: their twined fingers, jim's other hand still at his neck, the surge of their mouths as a helpless little sound does finally escape his throat, one that would be absolutely mortifying in any other context or with anyone else.
and he is, by now, good enough at 'reading the room' that the tone of jim's voice saying his name isn't lost to him. enough that he drags his thumb across jim's knuckles, slides his other hand up further to cradle the side of his neck, fingertips brushing against the base of his hair at his nape, and when he nudges their foreheads together to speak, his voice is low. their lips brush with each word because he can't bring himself to draw back any further than that. ]
I am here.
[ just that. steady, solid, alive, and here. within jim's reach, his grasp, spock is spock is spock and a defining feature of what makes spock is dedication to james tiberius kirk. ]
[ he does very much like deeply frustrating and stubborn bastard. he'd married the most frustrating, stubborn bastard in the galaxy, and as it turns out, he's always going to be weak for him.
and everything about this is surreal. jim is in his fifties now. he's still in great shape, but he's softer around the middle, the crow's feet around his eyes are deeper than ever. he's tired and knows he looks it. he's a widower and a workaholic and a grieving mess, even more than a year since losing his husband. by all rights, nothing about him should be that appealing to a younger spock with his entire life and career ahead of him.
and that's not all, is it? the way he touches jim, the way he looks at him, it's all like his own spock is right here. it's like double-vision, almost, and kissing him--? god, it's like every kiss he's ever shared with his husband, it feels just like him.. though the eager way this spock pushes forward, fervent, almost desperate, is.. new. different.
jim manages a shaky little laugh as he's all but pushed back into the couch cushion, making his hand cupping spock's neck and jaw a steadying touch, an anchor. he smiles, unsteady, as the younger man's brow rests lightly against his own, lips still brushing, so close. god, he can feel the heat of him even through the layers of their clothing, the hungry way he holds him startling and an unexpected balm to his ego.
then he speaks, and the older man has to blink away more tears threatening. yes. yes, he's here. he's alive and real, and if he wants jim even a fraction as badly as jim wants him, then james kirk is a very lucky man indeed.
he kisses him again because he can, because he needs him, will always need him, even if it's selfish. ] Spock, [ he murmurs as they break apart again, just for the pleasure of saying his name, and lifts their twined fingers so he can duck his head and kiss the pads of spock's, sucking the tip between his lips and grazing it with his teeth. ]
[ see? spock is extremely right, as always. he is also, as noted previously, in over his head. not emotionally, he knows where he's at with that. they're in similar places there despite the different reasons; a selfish little part of spock feels a coil of satisfaction, gratification, to feel genuinely needed, to be touched with desire and want with no social bear trap for him to step directly into. he doesn't think of it in that metaphor, that isn't how he's built, but that's what it is. was, rather.
what it is now is exactly what he's wanted for months now. jim's touch, the transference of affection and heat buzzing lightly at the edges of his thoughts, his emotional balance.
spock remains where he is for that moment of steadying, brushes a kiss at the corner of jim's mouth, stays close, watches him, and decides, abruptly, that he would very much prefer to never let go. illogical nonsense, and yet.
this time he melts into the kiss rather than surges into it, but not because he's any less eager. it's because a line of tension has been drawn out of him, the realization that he does, in fact, get to have this. that he does matter, that he is enough, that jim can breathe his name out like that and—
—every single thought derails all at once because when they draw back, because jim is—
well—
it's not something that happens, really, to people like spock, for many reasons not just that even the brush of fingers against one another is barely appropriate for public sight. and the soft press of lips is overwhelming enough, but that brief flicker from before of 'that sound i made would be deeply embarrassing anywhere else' falls right out a twelve-story window because it's nothing compared to the way spock's breath hiccups despite every attempt to stop it when he feels the blunt edges of jim's teeth graze his fingertip, the slight, slight suction to get it near enough to them so he can do so.
spock is, to put it colloquially, completely fucked.
his eyes have gone wide, the pupils narrowing to slits before blowing out again, he blinks one set of eyelids and then the other, then he opens his mouth and nothing comes out—
—his fingers twitch slightly, one of the free ones brushing lightly across jim's lower lip, his gaze now unblinking because he can't look away. he thinks he says jim's name but it sounds a little thready so maybe he didn't. he swallows, shifting slightly where he sits, and he should be embarrassed by how he briefly presses his thighs together, but he's too busy moving just afterward, turning, swinging a leg fully over the admiral's lap to sit astride him, fingers of his free hand trailing through his hair, the tips grazing his temple with the helpless transfer of blind heat and want.
he should be more composed. more well-regulated. better able to control himself. he is, in fact, none of those things at the moment.
[ honestly, the sight of two spocks next to each other in identical parade rests, both clearly full of the vulcan version of incandescent anger, is probably kind of unsettling. doubly so when one is your first officer and the other is your romantic partner. despite their slight differences in appearance, it's still, well, uncanny.
probably worse that they've been in quiet discussion until jim turns his attention to spock, who finally, finally blinks and inclines his head slightly in acknowledgement. ]
It is fortunate that you have received treatment for your injuries in a timely manner.
[Jim's mouth twists in annoyance to see his boyfriend and XO conspiring together because he's Not sorry about how this went down, is the thing. He did everything Right and none of the researchers they rescued were hurt beyond minor bumps and bruises.]
It's not as bad as it looks.
[Jim tries at first, only for Bones to snort derisively over his shoulder.]
I'll be the judge of that, Jim. Now hold still for god's sake.
[He's cutting away Jim's shirt the rest of the way so they can start inspecting his lacerations for foreign material as well. Gonna have to clean this out Real good before they take a dermagen to him or he's liable to get an infection.]
I could have taken it off, Bones...
[Jim's sigh is Loud and Put Upon. This is some Bullshit.]
In approximately 82.15% of instances where you utilize that phrase, you are incorrect in your assessment.
[ but the set of spock's shoulders is a little looser, a little less like a spring wound so tight it's about to snap. he does not sigh in return; vulcans do not sigh. he listens to some final commentary from the commander before he's left to be the spock who takes care of the situation; now that doctor mccoy is tending to jim, it's easier for his counterpart to allow the switch. spock understands the sentiment.
once it's deemed appropriate, spock steps forward, close to where jim sits on the biobed but still out of the way, and looks at him very quietly for a moment. ]
You are fortunate your injuries are not more severe. For that, I am glad.
[ not satisfied, not gratified. glad, the use of the word pointed in its emotive nature. ]
The percentage isn't that high. 68% tops....these days.
[The medicine's starting to kick in, and Jim struggles to hold onto his thoughts. Struggles, but manages. For the moment at least.]
I saw how bad it. It coulda been down there. Trust me. This isn't that bad.
[Having to focus so much on keeping his eyes on Spock and speaking means he's too focused to fight Bones while the man preps Jim for cleaning out the wound. Every now and then he gives a faint hiss of pain, but doesn't flinch much at all.]
R...reason I was mouthing off. [A limp, half hearted gesture toward the door.] To Spock, I mean. Sometimes I get so damn mad when you lot act like I'm the same...as I was Before.
[ spock does not answer. not for a moment, at least: after working quickly while jim is distracted, doctor mccoy is satisfied with the treatment and that spock will 'take it from here' and lets them be, which is when spock lifts a hand to trail his fingers through jim's hair, careful not to touch his psi-points for needless transfer when he's medicated and physically exhausted. ]
It is not that you are the 'same as before.' [ quietly. he stands in the vee of jim's legs where he sits, and he keeps slowly, methodically touching his hair, granting a measure of soothing through the contact. ] Just because it could have been worse does not make what did happen negligible or not something to express concern over or in fact discuss. He and I both acknowledge and appreciate that you have made adjustments to your behavior that have had a positive effect on your physical well-being both on and off missions.
[ this time, he does let the side of his thumb brush along jim's temple. brief, with a flutter of affection but also undisguised worry. ]
However, I did not appreciate that even after being told by my counterpart what had happened, you voiced displeasure that I had been informed at all.
[ he pauses here, trying to consider his words even more carefully than usual. ]
Despite our mission of peace, we often find ourselves in dangerous spaces and hazardous situations. I do not think it is unwarranted to be concerned in these times. I also do not think it is unreasonable to expect to be informed promptly, if possible, should anything detrimental occur. [ when he continues, it's quieter. even more subdued, if possible. ] There may come a time when such a message is 'put off' for later, and the chance to send one does not occur again. This is in part why I have also attempted to alter my behavior when it comes to open communication. It is my failing for not indicating my desire for the same in return when I responded to your request.
Well, maybe you're better'n....these two. Then. Acting like I'm...hhh. Like I'm. Like I need a babysitter.
[Maybe? Though it's not 'better' necessarily. Most compatible with, perhaps. The soft fingers in his hair combined with the pain medication leave Jim feeling like he's floating a little. Foggy. But he has a Thought yet, one he's barely keeping a grasp on. Trying to get out.
Jim makes a vague noise of complaint at first. Because he knows Spock is being reasonable, but it's so hard to find words the more the hypo tries to pull him down into resting so his body can heal.]
Not. No--not at all. Don't want to send partial...
[Goddammit. This is so hard.]
This isn't stable and it's not reliable. I don't...want....you to get...t..to get hhhhhhh and it be old. Or. Or incomplete? I-i. Sorry. It's. I....
[He reaches out for Spock where he's laying but even this is sluggish. It's so important to tell Spock, but everything is soft around the edges. He makes another noise of effort but stays trailed off.]
[ it feels as though the time between seeing one another has been too long, as it always does. but also spock has to be grateful for what they get. so many who are posted separately from their partners see each other even more rarely, months instead of weeks in person, days between messages instead of hours.
there also is the perk of surprising one another. both crews are used to seeing alternate versions of people they know by now so it really is simple to make the visit after a relatively routine mission. he arrives and passes nyota in the corridor; she gives him a look he still can't quite place and teases him for showing up windswept and ruffled and he shoots her a response that makes her laugh and pat his arm through his sleeve as she continues to her destination.
because chilly and windy but not sub-zero weather on the new m-class his current scientific surveys have been focused on has spock in his winter uniform, regulation leather jacket unzipped now that the temperature is controlled and hair mussed from the elements. free time before he has to return to his station is as good a reason as any to surprise jim in his office, and though he notes the sense of frustration and overworked annoyance from out in the halls, it just makes him more determined to make sure jim takes a break.
he knocks once before stepping into the office, letting the door swish shut behind him before he speaks. ]
I find myself with an excess of free time and desired to make best use of it by visiting you while I have the opportunity. I hope I am not interrupting your work.
[There is no restriction on transport to the Enterprise from the signature of her sister ship, and so Spock is welcomed over by the transport officer on duty as he always is. Greeted as though he were one of her crew by those he passes by even if most are more brief than Nyota's halt and friendly small talk.
And if Nyota is going to go wander on up to inform the CO that Jim is going to be indisposed for the forseeable future despite his not comming up to say as much, well. That's her business. Good for Spock in showing up to coerce his fiancé into taking a break.
Not that Jim knows that himself even, yet. He's up to his goddamn eyeballs in conflicting reports trying to sort through a diplomatic kerfuffle ahead of their approach to the colony. He's been at it for the better part of the day and the desire to just bin every single one of the PADDs is growing by the minute. Truthfully he's about a quarter of an hour away from getting up on his own to go wander down into engineering to find something solid he can put his hands to. Get some sort of satisfaction in a problem he can actually fix.
He's not expecting the knock at his door but he calls in for them to enter. His gaze is marking his spot in each of the documents he's pouring over but he jerks his head up the moment Spock opens his mouth. Surprised, and then--shocked into absolute silence while he perishes on the spot.
What is Spock wearing? Leather jacket?? Fitted gloves???? Ruffled hair????? Excuse him while he reboots promptly He hasn't heard a damn word Spock's said.]
Spock..?!
[Well, he's clearly Happy to see the other but that shock isn't going to last for long. Congratulations, you broke your bondmate.]
[ spock waits patiently for jim to reboot, though he does a quick blink-and-reset of his own because why jim needs the moment in the first place is lost to him. for now, he has no reason to suspect that his physical appearance is causing it, so he tilts his head in clear curiosity. ]
Yes, it is I, Spock.
[ with the low, base incredulity he wears so well whenever jim says something very, very perplexing. ]
[When Jim moves it's all at once, his gaze never leaving Spock for an instant. There's the scrape of his chair against the floor, the thud of his hands both pushing back against the desk so suddenly he sloshes a bit of his decaf over the rim of his mug without noticing even a little bit.
He circles around from behind the desk in a couple long strides. Expression unreadable but intent.
Jim's fingers brush against the door controls to lock them milliseconds before his other hand fists into Spock's shirt beneath his leather jacket and shoves him up against the now-locked door. He follows in the same movement, crowding up against his younger bondmate. Rocking right up onto the balls of his feet so he can press a searing kiss onto Spock's big dumb face right this second.
He will not be taking questions or criticisms at this time verbally.]
[ the thought that spock might question or criticize verbally at this time is absolute nonsense. he spends the period while jim moves staring back at him, watching unblinkingly, and as soon as jim's fingers brush the door panel, spock realizes.
the time between that and jim's next actions is insufficient for spock to brace himself for the impact but he finds it difficult to care about that when jim's in his space, pressed against him, kissing him with so much need that the heightened transference jim always exudes is completely unnecessary for spock to understand the assignment, as it were.
no more encouragement is needed for spock to press into the kiss and match jim's want, to plant a hand at his nape and hold him there, the leather of his gloves cool in comparison to the usual heat of his touch, while the other grips at his waist and yanks him closer. if this is how jim desires to spend this part of their reunion, spock has no complaints.
(and if he enjoys being the one pressed bodily against a flat surface this time, who could blame him?) ]
[Well he did make a mess of his coffee. Later he'll get that. Just like later he'll apologize for being so forward and later he'll ask about what the hell is up with this outfit and Spock's hair and everything else Jim is absolutely entranced by in this moment. The hand that had been fisted in Spock's shirt slips out from between them to both let Jim press up more flush against Spock's body and for him to balance himself by planting it against the door behind Spock.
The other is reaching up to bury itself into the Vulcan's wind ruffled hair to muss it further. It feels like it takes no time at all to Jim at all for his breath to come out heavier, shuddering when he pulls back to breathe. But not before nipping at Spock's lip with his teeth on the retreat.]
Your fingers are going in my mouth. Gloves on or off?
[ that's true. it is, but at the same time spock is distracted enough that it seems far off right now. instead he hooks an ankle around jim's calf, holding him there like there's even the slightest chance he'd try to escape.
by the time jim draws back to speak there's a green flush high on his cheeks and his breath comes a little shorter.
the question gets a slight widening of his eyes, pupils visibly retracting to slits before going even more blown than before, but spock doesn't answer verbally. instead he swallows hard and lifts his hand to catch the tip of the glove at his middle finger between his teeth and tug it to free his hand, cupping jim's jaw afterward and running his thumb along his lower lip before presenting two bare fingers to him. ]
[The scent of the leather still clings to Spock's skin and Jim can't help but moan softly, low, in the back of his throat. He looks just so goddamn wrecked when Spock cups his cheek despite the relatively short time Spock has been within his office.]
Yeah....goddamn, yeah... Want to feel what you feel--
[Every word traced out against Spock's fingertips. Jim's tongue peeks out to lap at the tips first, his eyes dark with his want as he flits them up to lock with Spock's own. Only once he's made direct eye contact does he lean forward to take the digits as deep into his mouth as Spock can reach. His tongue works over each lovingly. Worshiping him in ways only Jim can.]
[ jim is always incredibly attractive, but there's something about him like this that heightens it, that drives heat through spock's veins until he feels as though he too will come undone so quickly.
his fingers flex minutely as jim's tongue teases them, but the way he takes them in to the base immediately afterward is what drags a shaky breath out of him, what has him giving a gentle squeeze with the hand still at his nape and he lets out a low moan.
the feeling is electric, has pleasure zinging through him, has his voice low and a little rough when he speaks. ]
I have not seen you this eager in some time.
[ as he says it, he feeds jim some of the sensations he's bringing spock through their bond and draws his fingers back before pressing them in again, pads gliding along his tongue. ]
[That moan by itself is almost enough to make Jim shudder. By the time Spock actually feeds him back some of the sensations Jim's giving him, Jim's fingers buried in Spock's hair tighten into a fist. He groans long and low around the digits invading his mouth, color high on his cheeks.
Spock's right about all of it. Jim hasn't gotten this hard this fast in a long damn time.]
Nnnh~!
[Nodding minutely. Agreement to the sentiment though obviously he can't explain like this. He turns his attention to bobbing his head in time with the thrust of those long fingers into his mouth.]
[ spock tilts his head not to escape jim's hold but to feel the tug against his scalp, a shuddering breath escaping him as he continues to pump his fingers in and out of jim's mouth, meeting his bobbing movements halfway and watching him with rapt attention.
he continues to feed jim the pleasure too, even as he shifts his stance to brace himself against the door so that jim can easily lean against him, spock's knee a steady balancing spot between his thighs.
because he moans again, loosening the mental hold on just how much of the sensation he allows through their connection, flush running down his neck and disappearing under his collar.
he keeps his head tilted to watch, sliding his free hand forward to cup jim's jaw, to press his thumb experimentally to jim's cheek and put on a little pressure until he can feel it against the fingers in his mouth. another shudder runs through him for the act, his breath coming shaky. ]
You are—
[ he trails off: he's not even sure what word to even try to use and describe what he looks like right now. instead spock grants him an image of how slick his thighs already are. ]
[The ankle still hooked around his calf locks him against Spock's body. The knee sliding between his thighs acts as stability. Drool leaks out of the corner of his mouth at the near-withdrawal of Spock's fingers every time and he couldn't care less. The free hand that approaches his face Jim moans even louder for, thinking at first Spock is going to meld with him, just like this.
The other sensation proves to be also hot as hell. Watching Spock fuck himself up with some tactile play is never not the most attractive thing Jim's ever seen. At the next pass, Jim jerks forward and takes Spock's fingers as deep as he can again, swallowing around them and doing his best to suck them clean as he draws back.
Spock shares the sense of his own arousal. Jim, unskilled, psi-null, and with his mouth very much too full to Speak, attempts to focus despite the fog of lust he's in. To imagine Spock shoving him up against the door, still fully clothed, and fucking him senseless right here. The Where isn't as important as him just keeping this goddamn outfit on in the moment.
But if he's not really able to get the thought across he is going to whine sooner or later to beg for it aloud.]
[ despite jim's skill being utterly untrained, it's enough to get the point across, to have spock pause as he takes in every detail jim is able to offer, how the clothing really is the impetus of the nature of their encounter.
he shudders, dragging his fingers out of jim's mouth fully, briefly curling them to hook at the backs of his lover's teeth before releasing him entirely. ]
Here.
[ low, throaty, but pointed. he doesn't wait, though, so it come across more as a warning than a command: he shifts them all at once, using his strength and speed to give jim exactly what he wants: he flips them and slams jim against the door, pins him there by the nape, then leans up against his back from behind. only then does he move that hand so he can present his fingers to jim's mouth again (this one still gloved, both because he needs to focus and because the bare one is his dominant one), pressing a kiss behind his ear followed by another to his now-bared nape. ]
I did not realize you would be this affected by my clothing.
[ still low, but he's clearly willing to provide: his weight is what keeps jim in place as his free hand slips around to jim's front so he can squeeze his cock through his pants, then start to work at his fly.
(he's hard himself, his lok having slipped free inch by inch over the past few moments, but he can worry about that in a moment.) ]
too flabbergasted by cursed foodstuffs to notice you replied, oops
[Jim's teeth graze Spock's fingers lovingly when he pulls them free. He shudders for the little tug that hooking at the back of his teeth but it won't stop him from stuttering out a,]
P...please, Spock--
[Lost in the warning and the collective groans of both of them as Jim finds himself pivoted on the spot and slammed up against his own door.]
Fffffuck--!
[The gloved hand at his nape, pinning his face against the comparatively cool surface so carefully. Spock's heat settling over him like a blanket, his scent mingling with the jacket and their own heightening arousals. It's all so much. His mouth falls open when Spock offers him the gloved digits this time, muffling the truly wrecked noises he makes as Spock mouths both along the back of his ear and his nape.
He nods shakily as if it weren't obvious. Bucks his hips shamelessly into Spock's hand. Jim's almost vibrating with his want by this point. Dizzy for the faint sound of rustling leather. The glimpse of Spock's phaser holster-strap at his thigh when Jim looks down to where his fiance is stealing away into Jim's pants.
All noises are urgent and eager, as is the tongue slowly forcing Spock's fingers to spread in his mouth by laving in between them.]
[ even with the gloves on, the way jim sucks at his fingers so desperately hits spock right at his core, his heart pounding in his side as he snakes his hand beneath layers of fabric, curling still-damp fingers around jim's cock to pump it a few times, distracting, before he draws back just enough to pop the button of his own fly, unzipping it after, his forehead resting between jim's shoulder blades so he can watch between them, fingers in his mouth spread invitingly to make space for his tongue. ]
Spread your legs.
[ as best as he can still mostly clothed, at least. while Spock would generally prefer not to soil their clothing as thoroughly as this, he finds he lacks the ability to care at the moment. drawing his lok free of layers of fabric makes him suck in a sharp breath, and he yanks jim's pants and underwear down just enough to give him access. he strokes his own arousal slowly to slick up his fingers (obscene, filthy—) because no matter how much jim wants it, spock won't do this without preparing him first. ]
Breathe, ashayam.
[ the words are thick on his tongue, his own patience wearing thin. once he's sure jim is focused enough to do so, he starts to press the first finger into him. ]
[Any other time, Jim doesn't think he'd even notice some of these sounds but right now the soft zzzzip of Spock's uniform trousers behind him feels like its been hooked up to a loudspeaker pointed directly at his brain. Jim doesn't have the higher brain function at the moment to be mortified by the truly needy noise he makes. They morph into something akin to coherent sounds in the affirmation to Spock's instruction, but only just.
Jim shifts on his feet, arches his hips up and back for Spock's benefit as much as he can manage in the tight space between them. He's definitely more flexible than the position offered, but with his thighs trapped somewhat together by his uniform he does the best he can.
The first sound that might be complaint ripples between them at the urging to breathe, but it's for the best Spock holds them in that limbo long enough for Jim to cave and comply. Settle down enough to relax for the touch Spock is offering him. His fingers curl against the door, nails scratching against the smooth surface with his impatience.
Jim's hunger and adoration thrum through him. The only way he can show it is in the softer laves of his tongue against the gloved fingers still working slowly in his mouth. Every other thought hangs like a curtain in the back of Jim's mind to settle over Spock as much as he wishes.]
[ spock is unrelenting like this, but still as measured as possible for jim's sake. he keeps track of his lover's reactions as he starts to truly work him open, fingers still slowly pumping in and out of his mouth, just now in time with how the fingers of his other hand move, one and then two, as slow as he's able to force himself to be with jim so desperate, responsive, and expressive.
he doesn't speak, just acts, lips brushing his nape again, his ear, teeth catching the rounded shell of it as his eyes watch jim's fingers curl where they rest. it's taking all of his self-control at this point to keep steady: finally, he thrusts both fingers inside jim and curves them, aiming to press where he knows will make jim even more reactive, to drag fingertips along sensitive nerves with well-practiced precision. but before he can move on— ]
[As ever, being quiet in bed is not something Jim is skilled at. Even with his mouth full he groans for each of the tender kisses. For the fingers pumping in and out of his mouth and then from behind as well. Preparing him for more. His hips rock backward into each and every one of Spock's thrusts, his cock bobbing untouched before sliding against the door weeping and flushed when he rocks back forward again.
Even if Spock couldn't hear Jim's breathing (or lack thereof) he can tell where Jim's at by the degree of fuzziness in the man's constant feedback threading through the bond between them.
Doesn't stop Jim from making a short, petulant sound of complaint around the deep breaths through his nose though.
He's going to be clawing at the goddamn door the second Spock hones in and starts rubbing over his prostate. Choking on Spock's fingers just briefly before he goes after them with even greater desperation. All sense of holding back evaporates while his lover plays Jim like a musical instrument. He'll breathe if Spock wants him to, but the only sense Jim focuses on is Now.
A litany. A mantra. A prayer if that's what it takes.]
Edited (hit enter too early) 2025-07-03 19:30 (UTC)
[ by the time jim reaches that point spock's forehead is planted at the center of jim's back again, eyes lidded but open watching as his fingers—
—now hits like a bolt of lightning and he finally relents, taking yet another shaky breath and nodding where he rests so jim can feel the movement. he moves quickly after that, keeping his fingers in jim's mouth as he withdraws the other hand, taking only as much time as is necessary to position them both so that he can rock his hips forward, sinking slowly but smoothly inch by inch into his bondmate until they're flush against one another.
jim is so hot around him despite their actual temperature disparity being the opposite that he moans, a low, wrecked thing muffled against the older man's back before he finally, finally starts to move.
no one has ever so thoroughly ruined spock as jim always does, much less when they've barely started. ]
[Just like the zipper had, the slide of leather over itself echoes in Jim's ears even over his own whines or Spock's reverberating, low moans that are usually what make Jim's toes curl. The Vulcan's voice is still hotter than sin, but that outfit.
He can't see it now, but the scent of leather is still heady, especially with Spock's gloved fingers working in Jim's mouth. Jim can feel the brush of Spock's bangs against his shoulders and remembers that ruffled windswept look he'd walked in with. Jim's whole body caresses Spock covetously with the memory. With how the jacket hung open, Spock's tits were full ass on display. Jim can't stop thinking about it. The look of him, his usual prim and proper lab coated boyfriend looking ruffled and rugged and--the leather the rub of leather and the smell of it and the feel of that stretch and connection--
Jim's thoughts melt together as he's pushed up against the door again. He moans around Spock's fingers but does shudder through a deep breath through his nose lest Spock Stop now of all times.
He wants his love to know just how goddamn hot he looked waltzing into Jim's office. How Jim's cock jumped at the sight of him. All of it.]
[ to say spock is pleased to have jim present for this event is a vast understatement. not only it is a testament to the fact that he can be present, that they continue to be able to see one another in person despite having both thought it would only happen once, but it means that spock doesn't have to enlist the assistance of the rest of the crew for plus-one events such as these, which have never suited him well to begin with.
it means that they can get ready together in spock's temporary quarters on the station, jim looking even more dashing than usual in spock's reality's command dress uniform, and spock's hands can brush nonexistent lint off of the other man's shoulders while they stand near the door putting on final touches. ]
I admit to taking some measure of satisfaction from seeing you in this uniform.
[ low and measured but a little heavy at the edge of it, meaningful. then he takes a single step back, returning to his normal parade rest, and nods decisively. ]
The party will last until 2230, after which we will be free to spend time as we choose until you must return to your own posting.
[It's been a wild few weeks, but not in a bad way necessarily. Since being the last person to find out that he and Spock are dating and have been, little by little Jim's been settling in to his new Normal. He likes it, Jim's found. Likes the idea that he doesn't need an Excuse to message Spock when he gets up for Alpha. To check in on him.
Then there's the all important event.
Jim flashes Spock a grin as he's fussed over by the other.]
Used to brag back at the Academy I could make Anything look good. Glad to see it's still true even now.
[He reaches up to boop Spock on the tip of his nose gently.]
Anytime you get too self conscious about the whole couples thing, just remember you've only gotta make it to 2230 and then you can drag me off and enjoy every aspect of me in or out of this attire as much as you want. Okay?
[Jim ought to be telling Himself that as much as Spock. It Feels Significant to be arm in arm with Spock, being introduced as the Lieutenant's bondmate for this event. Having cocked up the invitation for this already, Jim really wants to impress out there tonight.]
I fail to understand why that sentiment would have changed between then and now.
[ a joke, maybe. an idle tease, in spock's own way, even as he raises his eyebrows in response to the 'boop.' ]
Indeed. We will both be able to enjoy that time together. It would be agreeable should the event itself be pleasant as well, however.
[ before they exit the room, spock leans in to steal a soft but lingering kiss from jim's mouth, then urges himself to relax and turns to the door. ]
Should it not be, the promise of afterward will suffice as incentive. I am ready. [ unfortunately. ] I have also made note of what menu options are certain to be safe for your consumption tonight.
[Regular meals, a job that about two-thirds of the time is paperwork oriented, and just plain aging have made him a lot softer and heavier than back then. Jim's quietly grateful that it doesn't appear to have had a bad impact on his looks much given how much Spock loves to get him out of his clothes on a regular basis.
More importantly, who gave Spock the right to be this damn cute and drop-dead gorgeous at the same time? Jim grins.]
Here's hoping. Maybe we can find some half decent company and pass the time chatting up just a few folks about anything interesting. And if not, well. Right. There's After.
[Eyebrow waggle. But not a big one!]
Lead the way.
[Jim's a little bit disappointed that this isn't taking place on Spock's Enterprise because so far Jim hasn't been allowed to see any more of that then from the transport room to Spock's quarters. His presence aboard the ship is still pretty classified until either side really knows how the hell this works.
At the same time, having the event take place on a station Jim's never been to means he's less likely to take a wrong turn because muscle memory took over. It's beyond Weird to walk arm in arm with Spock, still. Weird but. Good-weird. The kind that makes Jim feel like he shouldn't breathe lest the moment slips away from him.]
So why'd You specifically get roped into this anyway? Enterprise's a big ship. Surely there were Easier couples to pull for this. Not that I'm complaining, mind. But don't think I failed to notice.
Age has little to do with "making anything look good."
[ pointed. either way, spock does and will continue to find jim attractive as time passes and he ages further, to say nothing of how little he objects to jim's softness. so long as jim is happy and healthy, spock is happy with him. he understands being self-conscious, even if his own issues have nothing to do with those aspects, and tries, at least, to take such things into account.
in any case, spock notes the brow waggle, tilts his head in mock innocence in return, and they head out.
the station is a good space for the gathering: it means that if things get to be too too much, spock can request to leave entirely and they can reboard the ship. however, he's relaxed (for him) as they walk the corridors to the event hall the party's being held in, and he glances over at their linked arms, then over to jim's face before he answers the question. ]
It is relevant to my fields of study, and as the chief science officer, I deemed it appropriate to make an appearance. I am gratified to be able to attend with you as a consequence.
[ the doors slide open as they approach and there are enough people already present for spock and jim to make a quiet, mostly unnoticed entrance for now. spock's grateful for that, too, so that he can get his bearings in the social space. ]
I will likely be—
[ he doesn't get to finish his sentence, because you know what happens next? A Guy Shows Up. a super megahot vulcan babe, actually, who is clearly zeroing in on spock in particular in a typically vulcan intense way for his greeting.
spock blinks, clearly taken slightly aback, and before he responds, he says: ]
Jim, this is V'Raht, a scientist with whom I collaborated relatively recently on a paper regarding reintroducing pollenators to inhospitable biomes. V'Raht, this is Jim Kirk, my partner.
[ which is not how spock would like to introduce him, but it had been decided early that while things are still nebulous around jim, it's the title with the most plausible deniability should anyone confuse the two jims.
in general, spock likes to remain private about these kinds of things anyway, but he's trying his best to meet in the middle in regards to relationship secrecy and frankly, he hopes it will keep others from bothering him. ]
It's all in how you wear it, agreed. But I'm not as lithe as I was back in the academy. It makes some things trickier to pull off. Or not read the same as they did when I wore them in my 20s.
[Patient, and yet flattered that Spock speaks so assuredly about Jim's attractiveness. Don't get him wrong--Jim knows what he looks like. But it doesn't stop the man form having insecurities. Having his mega hot younger partner find him as attractive as he does? It's a nice little ego boost.
It's strange to be wearing a dress uniform that makes him look like he's retired rather than active duty Starfleet. There's no rank braids on it. Every so often he reaches over to straighten them despite them being fine. It just feels weird not to have them. But he's a pretty closely guarded secret right now, so it can't be helped.
And it's not his career that should be the focus of anyone's conversation here.]
Makes sense.
[He'd just been about to ask Spock which of his more recent experiments, if any, he was planning on taking about if anyone got curious enough to engage him in small talk when they're approached. And Jim's kneejerk reaction? Is just casual friendliness. Because wow this guy is aesthetically hot as hell and Jim can appreciate it even if he has no interest.
Wild that for a gathering so focused on being a 'couples' event this guy's running stag. But well. Vulcan. Maybe he's in a similar spot Spock seemed to be in. Maybe Jim's projecting but the guy seemed almost shocked Spock came here with anyone.]
Good to meet you, V'Raht.
Jim Kirk.
[A simple statement. A clarification of greeting. And then brushed aside entirely. He turns to face Spock more fully.]
I am gratified you determined this a satisfactory use of your time, Spock. It is preferable to speak presently than to rely on subspace channels.
[Jim's brows raise a little. Thirty seconds in and the science talk is starting. But the vibes? No, no he's just being stupid. There's no way, right?]
I could find no satisfactory reason to refuse to attend, though I still do not understand your insistence that subspace communication would be suboptimal.
[ mildly. it might sound rude to others, but it's polite enough for a vulcan. spock stands at an idle, relaxed parade rest for now, satisfied to stand by jim while discussing his work with v'raht in his presence.
and for spock, it does seem like a normal conversation. he even tries to make a point to explain the scientific intricacies to jim, who he trusts to understand with minimal prompting due to his intelligence; his lack of knowledge of the project is simply due to it not being a previous conversation point.
v'raht, however, seems to be taking the discussion much more personally, or at least that's the vibe he gives off. not in an aggressive way, but the slant of his conversational tactics looks a whole hell of a lot like how spock gets when he's flirting with jim over a chess game.
it's just that spock is studiously treating the conversation as usual and not engaging otherwise while the other scientist seems to be trying to 'ramp it up' periodically and get a very specific kind of attention out of spock. he's also very familiar, like this isn't a new occurrence, and on top of that he seems almost mystified that spock isn't taking the bait, as it were.
what weird vibes! one might even say they could perhaps be just a little rancid. spock doesn't seem uncomfortable, though, just like he wants to focus on the science. ]
[This is what Jim signed up for so he shifts to settle next to Spock but be mostly unobtrusive while the two Vulcans catch up. He's curious about this collaborative work too, given it's never come up until now. Yet every time he is about to voice a question or comment, V'raht is there filling the gap with further discussion.
Sure, the incline in posture is probably due to interest in the subject matter more than anything else, but Jim's eye twitches all the same. This guy is INTO the research and his excitement is palpable. Does he have to be so goddamn close though? It's taking more effort than Jim would like not to scowl. Not to interrupt.
Eventually he cracks. Jim winces at the edge in his own voice and forces some midwestern passive aggressive friendliness into his voice to cover up his almost sounding like he wanted to pick a fight for half a second there.]
Sorry, When exactly did this happen? I had no idea you were working on a research paper.
'Worked'. Previous tense. Indicating an action that has already completed. [Okay Jim shoots V'raht a Look for that.] Though I would find further collaboration gratifying. Previous results have proven an effective compatibility in research.
[Excuse?????? No, no no. Hold on. 'Gratifying' is the big horny code word. What the fuck????]
The research was done over a period of three months, concluding approximately four and one-half weeks ago. We had many other aspects to consider between us at the time, so it did not enter our discussions. [ that part for jim; essentially, the nebulous time in which they had no idea they'd ever see each other again and were in fact even having some issues making subspace communication work correctly for them. then: ] The term is 'past tense' in Standard, V'Raht. If you must make corrections, you should be correct yourself in the attempt.
[ spock's tone is still even, but there's something about it: v'raht's meaning was clear, but spock is doubling down on the pedantry and corrections in a way he doesn't with other people and in a manner in which he certainly doesn't correct jim in their conversations, where if he requires clarification he simply asks for it.
he pauses over the rest of the commentary though, not awkward or delicate but definitely pointed. ]
While I found our compatibility to be adequate and I am certain you would find further collaboration gratifying, you are aware that my additions to the project were only required in preliminary stages and this was relayed to you early enough in the process for you to find a suitable replacement for a research partner.
[Work Spock was doing before they...well. Hooked up is a weird way to say it but it's not untrue. Would have been around the time Jim was moping on his ship, pining for a Spock he didn't think he'd ever see again. Couldn't reliably even text.
It's good, he supposes, that Spock had his research to keep busy with. Because surely it's just research and Jim's reading too much into this. They're Vulcans talking shop at a science event. He's so in his own head he almost misses Spock's remark. It surprises him then and he doesn't hide his chuckle quickly enough. V'raht is giving Him a look this time and Jim shakes his head quickly.]
Nah, sorry about that.
[The Vulcan kinda looks pissed though and it's as Jim's about to turn for the drinks table to fetch them something that he freezes on the spot. He'd laughed because it sounded like Spock was making a dig at the guy about his skills in bed. And that's exactly what they were talking about.
This motherfucker thought he'd show up to a couples event and what? Spock would just fall to his knees and suck the guy off just like that??? These two fucked. Spock brough Jim here to talk to his superhot Vulcan ex who clearly still wants a shot. Superhot Vulcan Ex who is hot, smart, LOCAL, and so DTF it's not even funny. He's chewed on the inside of his cheek so hard he's drawn blood.
Here he's been dragging his heels on even committing to the idea of himself DATING Spock and the guy had options coming out of every cupboard. Jim swallows.]
And what science does Jim Kirk specialize in? [V'raht replies coolly. He has never heard of such a human. Unsurprising given he's, well. Human. But surely Spock isn't insinuating that he's less compatible than this man.]
Spock's the genius. I'm no slouch where it comes to computer sciences, but even there he's got me beat.
[Jim barely hears himself talking. He's not about to blow their cover but it's So Hard to be normal when he wants to drag this stupidly attractive asshole out of the event entirely instead of leaning into Spock's space like this now that he's Convinced they've fucked before.]
[ spock tenses almost imperceptibly next to jim when v'raht doubles down, when he questions spock's interest in jim, when he persists in pointless nonsense that spock has already made extremely clear would not ever be continuing.
spock brought jim with him to this event both because he wants to spend time with him and because he likes to show him off a little, sure. it wasn't an intended jab against the vulcan scientist pissing him off right now originally, but it feels like it should be now, if v'raht continues to act as irrationally as he did upon spock's initial severing of their brief...
relationship is not the right word. fling, perhaps. spock had been clear from the beginning, even, that it would be temporary. but here they are, and the other vulcan's tone when he questions jim's credentials hits something in spock's spine that makes his side clench in anger that he has to exhale slowly to be able to contain properly. ]
One of Jim's [ pointedly familiar with only his first name, voice low, ] habits is underselling his own abilities in this way. While he is not employed in the sciences, he's remarkably innovative. He is not so tied to previous findings or what should be when it comes to problem-solving that it hinders his ability. Particularly, his ability to find solutions where traditional means would dictate there are none is fascinating.
[ again, pointed. fascinating. there are few words more clear in intent than that when spoken in this context by a vulcan. ]
[If it weren't for the subtle change of tone Jim doesn't think most people would realize these two are full on arguing now. V'raht's doing that little nose flare thing he's noticed all Spocks do when they're pissed--maybe it's a Vulcan thing? And Spock's grip on his arm has tightened to the point where it's not yet painful but definitely borderline uncomfortable.
Goddammit, this asshole is ruining this whole event Spock's been stressing over for the last Month. V'raht finally deigns to glance at Jim in what the man can only describe as the most disdainful expression he's ever seen before fully regarding Spock once more.
A human, more intriguing than a Vulcan partner? He did not know Spock had a sense of humor.]
Of course bias towards one's original hypothesis should never stifle concrete data, however, methodology exists because it has been proven. I find it highly irregular that you would put so much stock into unproven strategies over what opportunities could be had among your own peers. It's frankly a waste of your potential--
[Jim's eyebrows lift. His jaw ticks. He's going to punch this guy--]
V'Raht, you seem to be belaboring under the pretense that this is a matter in which you will be able to change my decision. I want to inform you, before you embarrass yourself further, that you will be unable.
[ it's spoken firmly on the immediate tail end of the othe vulcan's statement. spock shifts his weight almost imperceptibly, edging between v'raht and jim because he can feel the particular brand of tension emanating off of jim and wants to circumvent it. better to prevent a scene, to get in the way, remind everyone that things are taken care of— ]
Allow me to clarify. I find it surprising that you would debase yourself in such a way when you have proven your ability to rise above your status among our peers. Perhaps you are more like your father than you would like to admit.
[ the silence is deafening but only for a split-second, the time it takes for spock to take a single step forward and punch v'raht so hard in the face that he stumbles. in the shocked silence, this one lingering, in the after math, spock speaks. his voice is steady and even and carries. ]
While Ambassador Sarek and I rarely agree, I will note that your persistence in pursuing me beyond all reason proves his 'unproven strategy' of bonding with my mother to have viable, desired results. In light of this, I find a comparison to him unobjectionable. In fact, you may say what you like about me. It matters little, if any. However, I object to your commentary that partnering with a human, be the case my father with my mother or myself with my partner, is a debasement. It also heavily implies that you view partnering with me to be a debasement of yourself. I assure you this is not the case, as you were not the one 'slumming it,' as I have heard it put, in our arrangement.
[ this is probably about when they should go. or at least leave the room so spock can cool off. so they can both cool off? so someone can cool off. ]
[It's there in that brief second before Jim thinks 'I'm going to deck this bastard--'. A flicker of understanding and empathy and...agreement? Jim has the thought and Spock is already striding forward with a single blow that judders through the room. Jim counts the seconds going by when all that can be heard are sharp intakes of breath and concerned murmurs.
He blinks twice. Well. Jim didn't get to punch the bastard, but Spock's handled it for him. He turns on his heel and shoots Spock a glance over his shoulder.]
I think I need some fresh air. Walk with me?
[Feels real stupid he was even Jealous of this jackass the way Spock talks about him now. Seems hottie hot Vulcan was barely more than tepid past the body department.]
Indeed, stepping out briefly would be preferable to our current arrangement.
[ because as soon as jim is moving, so is spock. he falls into step next to jim, the picture of calm again, hands clasped behind him as they walk. it isn't until they're out in the carefully-tended gardens edging the venue that spock speaks, his voice low. ]
I apologize. I was unaware that V'Raht would make his presence so unavoidable. I erroneously assumed he would be intelligent enough to 'read the room,' as I have heard it described, and not realizing that he would make a point to do the opposite is my failing.
[Jim doesn't expect him to be hurt and it's not what he Wants to say, but until they're out somewhere private he doesn't feel like talking about it. An unease that doesn't entirely feel contained to him but that Jim doesn't fight either. Spock's fine. They're fine.
And the gardens are nice enough. Sigh.]
He wouldn't have gotten so haughty if I hadn't butted in, probably.
[Jim says. He lifts a hand to rub at the back of his neck.]
[ quiet, still low, and back to the calm warmth that spock holds for jim whenever they speak.
as for the rest of what jim says once they're alone, spock's brows briefly knit together before he turns toward the older man, his hand settling at his waist in a way at least a little proprietary. ]
His inability to honor the parameters set for him previously and subsequent inability to control his emotions and reactions are not something you are at fault for, Jim. To be blunt, it is not your problem that he could not handle rejection. [ a beat, and then: ] Even before the Montgomeries Scott were able to ensure the ability to physically inhabit the same space again, I was extremely clear with him that he was nothing more than a brief— [ what word to use? ] —Distraction.
[ from the palpable misery he'd been in knowing the person who shared his soul would be impossible to have. ]
I am aware that may reflect badly on me. I did not handle our separation well after we met in person.
[Oh, that's nice. These intimate touches that aren't sexual in nature have taken Jim a while to get used to. He doesn't jump this time for it at least. Getting used to just...casual affection. Someone who wants him for more than just a good lay.]
It doesn't. I was struggling, too. If I'd run into someone on station or...I could have easily done the same thing. We were in transit for most of the time though so I just.
[Jim shrugs a little. His expression carefully controlled to not give anything away. Spock knows better. But they're Out in Public so Jim's attempting to keep his dignity.]
You, too, were a near-constant in my thoughts. There were very few moments in which I was not thinking of you.
[ and usually because there was an emergency, or he'd finally managed to completely shut off during meditation. the latter never lasted long, however.
his voice is still quiet, as much a reassurance as jim's own words had been even as he takes a step closer, gently squeezing the older man's waist before seeking out one of his hands so as to hold it. this too, is chaste: he is seeking connection as a human would, the mutual comfort of touch. ]
I do not know the appropriate words to express how I feel other than to inform you that I am happy it is you here with me.
[ you, specifically, this particular jim kirk, this human man who has seen him and not found him lacking. who is aware of his failings and yet treats him this way.
his comment is, in essence, a lie. he knows the appropriate words. however, allowing himself that level of emotionality when things are so fresh between them seems rash, like jim might find him instead too much. too intense.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
@finalfrontiersman
they are often, to use a human phrase, 'neck-and-neck' in grades, with one or the other eking in front before being overtaken again. it drives spock up the wall, to use another human phrase. he is unused to being anything less than the absolute best since arriving at the academy: he struggled to an extent in his schooling on vulcan, but by the time he left to join starfleet he had been far past the days where he felt like a disappointment.
starfleet academy has been far more diverse, far more engaging, and far more accepting. spock does not think he will ever feel fully comfortable with who and what he is but that is the nature of existing in a liminal space: he is the product of two worlds and thus will never fully belong in either. he must be resigned to that.
in the academy, he is allowed to simply be spock. not an image, not a poster child, not an experiment.
and currently, being spock is being only 3 points ahead of kirk in the grading of the class they are currently in. they have been paired together for a project, which is both an annoyance and a boon: their grades will be tied together so there is no way kirk can surpass him, but it also means he must swallow a measure of his pride to work with him.
none of this is to say he dislikes kirk: on the contrary, he finds the man fascinating. however, this does not mean it is acceptable to allow him to overtake spock academically.
they are, at the moment, seated across from one another in the library. spock has a padd in front of him on which he has taken copious notes. he is also looking at kirk with a vague air of confusion. ]
Please explain your reasoning for picking that particular topic to cover.
no subject
He can admit he's enjoying their little academic rivalry - and, perhaps, encouraging it to a certain degree. A healthy amount, Jim would argue. What? He'd hate for Spock to get bored. But it's not an unfriendly competition - okay, sometimes it's hard to tell whether it is or it isn't on Spock's end, but it definitely isn't on Jim's end, and he's 90% sure it isn't contentious on Spock's. 80%. Okay, 75% on a bad day.
It's true that Jim likes to tease - likes to pull pigtails and be contrary, but never, ultimately, that difficult. Is it his fault the furrow Spock gets in his brow whenever Jim's papers fall just behind Spock's on the grand total grading rubric (or, on occasion, just ahead, though Spock doesn't let him hold those records for too long, usually) is delightful to behold?
Shh, listen, Jim doesn't know what anyone may or may not have heard, but it's not his fault he's giving Spock a run for his credits. The truth is, Jim enjoys it. Genuinely, he does. They're both accustomed to the top, it seems, and maybe Jim likes that he's always a step or so behind Spock, threatening to catch up, unwilling to let Spock have the comfortable lead on his peers he's expecting. Jim enjoys the way Spock keeps him on his toes, the way Spock actually has him trying in PHYS400, a course on Warp Theory and Postwarp Theory in the Science track Jim was auditing as an elected supplement to his ASTRG103 class, for his Command track Astrogation qualification.
He really does find Postwarp Theory interesting, but maybe it was worth it just to see Spock's face when Jim strolled into a Science track class he didn't even need to take. It's not strictly necessary for what he's trying to achieve, it's true, but Spock's presence in the class has Jim actively ensuring he's ahead on his reading.
Not that he took the class for Spock. That would be ludicrous, what with his ridiculous schedule, trying to pack six years of classes into three. They were already in multiple other classes together - Jim's just committed to the bit, that's all.
Don't worry about it.Jim probably should have seen the partnership coming, given that between the two of them, they were already pushing DIPL200 up an extraordinary amount on Lt. Commander Sofak's grading curve. Word must have gotten around, because Jim's never been assigned a partner before. Does that make this all the more amusing? Maybe. Don't tell Spock.
Jim's sitting across from Spock, feet kicked up on one chair, allowing him to push back onto two of four legs in the chair he's actually sitting in, rocking absently back and forth. His notes are a mixture of one Starfleet-issue padd, one nightmare fuel bootleg padd with a crack in the screen that Jim's clearly bastardized for whatever it is he's doing with it, and a physical notebook with cramped chickenscratch writing - Jim prefers to do his math by hand, sometimes, and the pages are littered with numbers, from all directions, as though Jim just grabs the paper anytime he's trying to work something out, and it hardly matters whether the notebook is upside down or not when he grabs it.
Jim's not paying attention to any of it, though, because he's busy trying to catch popcorn in his mouth, flipping kernels up in the air with expert flicks of his thumb, answering without looking at his classmate. ] Come on, Spock. You know optimizing matter recycling is the key to enabling deeper space missions.
[ Is that what the topic is about? Ignore Jim - Spock's confusion is understandable, given that the top of the three-page proposal Jim emailed to him for their essay topic reads Hooked On Hydroponics: They're A-Maizeing!
...alright, maybe the title is still a work in progress, but the rest of the proposal is sound.
Jim misses a piece of popcorn, tipping his chair back dangerously to try and catch it - the legs teeter, threatening to dump him on the floor, but his equilibrium holds. ]
no subject
however, that just means he does not know what kirk is being.
other than the only person able to make his coursework more engaging as he adds an actual measure of competition to it that simply does not exist among their other classmates.
and despite the fact that spock dislikes the lack of respect with which kirk is treating the furniture, his eyes darting with at least a small measure of judgement to the way the chair he sits in is tilted, the manner in which he takes his notes and does his work is just as fascinating as the man himself. spock has his own habit of hand-written notes, though he has not included them today. generally it is saved for his personal projects, which he is not in the habit of sharing until he has concrete results and may submit a paper including the data.
the popcorn antics, however, are their own entity and spock genuinely hates that part, unable to keep his gaze from following the kernal that kirk drops on its journey to the floor before he slowly drags his attention back toward kirk himself, openly expectant.
when he speaks, his tone is dry. however, there does in fact still exist a small percentage of befuddlement in it. ]
I am aware of this fact. Allow me to clarify. Are the puns an important enduring aspect of your work process?
no subject
[ It might sound like a joke, especially when combined with the amused twist to Jim's mouth, but when he drops all four legs of the chair back to the floor, the energy shift to something far more engaged is apparent. Jim fixes Spock with an intent look, passion and intelligence working in concert behind blue eyes. ] A paper isn't just about facts, it's an opportunity to make the person reading it care about what you're saying. The pun is a hook, something to make us stand out at a glance. Mnemonics have a proven increase in learning and recall by roughly 20% in humans.
[ Jim opens his hand, the popcorn kernel sitting on the flat of his palm. He picks it up with the other, holding it up to eye level. ] Remarkable, isn't it? Federation's most renewable resource. This baby is used as raw fuel for so many things, including replicators - so, most of our food and material supply - produced en masse right here on Earth. It's easy to grow, stupidly easy to replenish, and ecologically-friendly.
[ Jim turns the popped kernel to the side, as if to examine every angle of it. ] Now imagine what we could do if we were able to streamline hydroponic production of this bad boy for deep space travel. How far we could go, Spock! Uncharted space!
[ Jim pops the kernel into his mouth, reaching over with the other hand - the one holding the bag of popcorn he's been munching on - offering it to Spock with a cheeky grin. The reason for it becomes obvious a moment later when he says (sounding unreasonably pleased with himself): ] A-maize-ing, right?
no subject
however, to his credit, he does listen to kirk's entire spiel, though his eyebrows slowly raise so high they almost fully disappear into his bangs, which is impressive because he's already got those like, cunty super short bangs going? point is, they're WAY up there.
however, the fact (because it is a fact) about mnemonics does get his hackles down slightly. it's true, and he does need to take that into account, though he still finds himself saying— ]
—I find it remarkable that anything more than the facts would be required to make someone 'care' about the subject if they are presented in a concise, enlightening manner.
[ other than that though, he doesn't speak until the very end. unfortunately for kirk's self-satisfaction, the pun just gets a blank look. not even a twitch of the corner of his mouth. cold.
he does, at least, politely incline his head in appreciation for the offer of popcorn, though even the thought of touching something, say, buttery, with his bare hands, and not having a way to wash said hands afterward, is enough to make him have no desire to eat any of it whatsoever.
THAT SAID, kirk's reasonings are sound and his arguments well-grounded. the facts of the subject matter are clear and will prove both interesting and beneficial to delve into and cover. ]
I still would not use that term, but I am intrigued by the practical applications you mention.
points to eyes points to u
it's not intentional, just the clear habit of long years together with the spock he'd known and loved. they'd been married, he'd admitted eventually, months ago, after one too many glasses of whiskey, as if it hadn't already been obvious. but it had hurt to say, hurt to think about, and he hadn't wanted to put any kind of pressure or expectation on spock. this spock and jim kirk, he'd said, had to make their own decisions about their own relationship, whatever it would or wouldn't be.
the enterprise is back for repairs, and since jim himself is back on earth after another tiresome diplomatic mission, well, it had seemed only natural to catch up with chris and the others, and then invite spock to dinner. it's not unusual for them, particularly now that jim knows spock finds it easier to talk to him, but it has been months since they've been in the same room together like this.
and now? after dinner, jim sits curled comfortably on his couch, nursing a glass of his favorite whiskey in his lap, whole body turned toward spock as he explains the particulars of his latest research project. the moment's soft and familiar and intimate-- or, rather, there are echoes of intimacy. another time, another spock. they would have been closer, even, than they are now. spock's knee would be brushing his, his fingertips sliding between jim's own, that corner of his mouth quirking the way it only ever does for jim. ]
Ashayam, I like where you're going with this, but I genuinely don't think you're going to convince Dr. Whelk to send you her data, and I'm not young enough to try batting my eyelashes at her anymore.
[ several seconds pass before he realizes what he's said, and he immediately winces, the haze of familiarity clearing up like a splash of cold water. he reaches up, pinching the bridge of his nose. ] God, I'm sorry, Spock. That was-- I don't know why I said that. [ no, that's not completely true. after the better part of a year here, it's hard not to.. feel.. things, however inappropriate they might be. ]
he's dead jim.....................
—there is absolutely nothing wrong with the jim kirk who is nearer spock's age, the jim kirk who so very recently had introduced himself with a handshake, of all things. however, spock finds interacting with admiral kirk to be, yes, easier. it is easier to share things that would feel like unconscionable secrets with a jim who knows him so fully already, who spock is aware knows every horrible, unlovable part of him and still looks at him with such fondness that more than once spock has felt overwhelmed simply from that.
spock had his own admission to jim months prior: he is lonely in the wake of losing both t'pring and christine for differing reasons, both of which feel like his fault (even though one is and the other is not, spock is only ever truly unkind to himself in these matters). he feels not enough. but spock has never not been enough for jim kirk, despite not being the bondmate he had clearly lost.
he finds that he misses jim most of all even though their partings are only ever temporary, even though he is always just a message away. that should frighten him. he should excise the feelings, stop trying to be for jim what he had lost. he should focus, should keep things to the human definition of friend, but he finds he cannot.
he wonders, often, if he's obvious or if jim simply feels it's a matter of course because it's what he's used to. jim is equal parts easy to read and impossible to decipher. but moments like this, when they can meet in person again, can sit together and discuss things like this that show spock every corner of jim's brilliant mind, one of the most attractive things about him if he's quite honest.
he is, briefly, distracted from the conversation. a fleeting, unbidden thought that he finds more and more difficult to suppress each time they're together. distracted just long enough that ashayam hits him like a blow as he starts piecing together his response about the data in his head and his eyes widen slightly, spine going rail straight as he feels his face heating up, going green from the neck to the tips of his ears. his heart beats faster in his side, he knows it was just reflexive on jim's part, an echo of the husband he lost, but for spock—
for spock, it's too late. jim's voice forming the word has nestled in his head, in his heart, and a vulcan's unique combination of both eidetic memory and hyperthymesia means he'll never, ever forget what it sounds like.
it takes him long enough to school his expression that jim has already started to apologize.
spock realizes, all at once, that if he doesn't do this, he likely never will.
so he reaches out, fingers grazing jim's knee, then along the side of his hand. purposeful, as he tilts his head just enough to catch the admiral's gaze. he is, unfortunately, fully aware that his cheeks are still stained green, but it's too late. it doesn't matter. his thumb brushes the line of jim's wrist. ]
Apology is unnecessary when offense has not been taken, Jim.
[ uncharacteristically, he feels himself starting to hold his breath before he forces himself to keep his respiration even. ]
I'M dead, jim
a better, stronger man would disengage, would gently end the evening, reassert some boundaries. after all, spock is lonely. they're both lonely. jim has a broken bond that keeps reaching for this younger version of his husband, and spock's never met anyone that understands him so thoroughly. jim has been too familiar with him, too close, too intimate. he doesn't belong in this time or this reality. he's confusing whatever spock and the younger jim kirk could be. he knows all this, and he sees it, but he also knows that he's not a better or a stronger man. ]
I-- [ his voice wavers, a lump in his throat as he stares into the younger man's flushed, earnest face. spock doesn't even have to open up the connection jim had shared with his older counterpart, jim can see in his expression what hearing that endearment had meant to him. there's something electric in the curl of his strong fingers, in his dark, intense gaze. ]
You should feel offended, [ he finishes a little weakly, conviction noticeably missing from his voice. the truth is, though spock will always in jim's eyes be his husband, but younger, and the comparisons are impossible to avoid.. he's also very simply himself. and the longer that jim is here, the more of this spock's uniqueness he notices, he likes. he's even, shamefully, felt his thoughts drift toward him on long, sleepless nights; nights when he misses his bondmate's warmth at his back, his breath against his nape, the weight of his arm over his waist.
another breath shudders out of him, and he turns his wrist beneath spock's hand, fingertips dragging along his palm as he pulls back, then slides his fingers between the younger man's. ]
:) you have let me out of my self-imposed prison and now you will suffer
had jim said any of those things aloud, spock would have mild but somehow deadpan answers to them. a big one certainly being the simplest: from the very moment admiral kirk ended up in this particular timeline, the course of it had begun to change. there is no knowing, now, where things will go, because this has never happened before.
kaiidth, he might say, if he were feeling particularly insistent. we are where and when we are meant to be.
but jim doesn't say any of those things aloud. instead he tells spock to be offended, that he should be, and to that spock finds himself able to actually breathe out what counts as a full laugh, from him. ]
You are well aware, [ he says, tone arch despite the flush still on his cheeks, his ears, ] that I am uniquely unsuited to doing what I should.
[ but then jim's hand is turning against his, and it's spock's breath that shudders quietly this time as jim's fingers drag along his palm so, so much more intimately than he ever has before, when he threads their fingers in a manner that he knows they're both aware would be uniquely obscene if anyone were to see it—
—he shivers, unable to help himself, and leans closer. ]
I do not wish to be offended, and so I will not be.
joke's on you, i'm a masochist
It's one of many qualities that will make you an incredible but deeply frustrating first officer, [ jim agrees with a sigh that's gentle, that's helpless in its adoration. ] Not to mention a stubborn bastard of a bondmate. [ god, he shouldn't say that. spock isn't his husband, but jim doesn't want to think about him bonding with anyone else, either.
his free hand sets his glass aside, then lifts, curling against the hot-flushed curve of spock's pointed ear, then gliding down to cup the side of his neck. heat prickles along his own skin at the familiarity of it, echoes of a hundred times, a thousand times before, the memory of a hand on his hip or his waist or his ribs, splayed against his back, curled around his bicep. fingertips against his face, mind-to-mind. a hundred-thousand times spock has touched him in the halls of the enterprise or on some new planet or in one of their bedrooms, in their beds, skin-to-skin.
he tries. he really tries to push it all back down, to make this only the present, only jim and this moment, this spock, but it's impossible. spock is spock is spock, all the things that make them the same and all the things that make them unique, and he aches with the months of trying to pretend he doesn't feel just like him, that heart and mind and soul don't yearn in their entirety. every inch of him has been telling him that this man is his husband, his bondmate, t'hy'la, even though it feels disrespectful to both of them to believe it. ]
Spock-- [ heat pricks at his eyes, grief and desire and love and pain, and he squeezes them shut. this can't be casual or experimental or some kind of fling for him, and he knows that spock knows that, wouldn't still be here encouraging this if it wasn't important to him, too.
it's that thought alone that allows him to open his eyes again, lean forward, and kiss him. ]
we are the same
knowing it logically doesn't make the sound in his throat any easier to swallow when jim's thumb brushes his hand in ways, in places, no human should be able to know exactly how to do with such ease; it drives a heated spike of want through him, his heart pounding a little harder in his side, the look in his eyes as jim watches his expression not unease or regret but the sharp and sudden realization that he is, in fact, well in over his head when it comes to being able to even pretend to keep his steadiness.
because his breath hitches again as jim speaks, his brow furrowing just so with the effort of not saying something incredibly stupid right off the bat. he wants to, but he doesn't.
instead, he says: ]
I have under good authority that you enjoy both deeply frustrating and stubborn bastard.
[ which is a start; an attempt at regaining some sense of attitude, of teasing. until jim's hand slots against his ear, down his neck, and he swallows. what spock doesn't realize though, is that while some things are clearly learned, others simply come naturally: he tilts his head into the touch, the movement at once both his own instinct and a perfect echo of what jim surely knows, the angle exact.
so too is the hand at jim's bicep, which is where it ends up settling of the options the admiral had been thinking of. also natural, instinctive, simply where it makes sense, is logical to touch.
spock has found he is not a being adept at flings. he learned so the hard way when he expected much more of what christine wanted than she actually did. they are both, jim and himself, aware that this is not casual or experimental in any way.
no, the way spock presses into the kiss to return it is practically fervent in its want, in how it feels, oddly, like coming home from a long journey in a way he's almost frightened to think about for too long.
he focuses instead on each point they touch: their twined fingers, jim's other hand still at his neck, the surge of their mouths as a helpless little sound does finally escape his throat, one that would be absolutely mortifying in any other context or with anyone else.
and he is, by now, good enough at 'reading the room' that the tone of jim's voice saying his name isn't lost to him. enough that he drags his thumb across jim's knuckles, slides his other hand up further to cradle the side of his neck, fingertips brushing against the base of his hair at his nape, and when he nudges their foreheads together to speak, his voice is low. their lips brush with each word because he can't bring himself to draw back any further than that. ]
I am here.
[ just that. steady, solid, alive, and here. within jim's reach, his grasp, spock is spock is spock and a defining feature of what makes spock is dedication to james tiberius kirk. ]
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and everything about this is surreal. jim is in his fifties now. he's still in great shape, but he's softer around the middle, the crow's feet around his eyes are deeper than ever. he's tired and knows he looks it. he's a widower and a workaholic and a grieving mess, even more than a year since losing his husband. by all rights, nothing about him should be that appealing to a younger spock with his entire life and career ahead of him.
and that's not all, is it? the way he touches jim, the way he looks at him, it's all like his own spock is right here. it's like double-vision, almost, and kissing him--? god, it's like every kiss he's ever shared with his husband, it feels just like him.. though the eager way this spock pushes forward, fervent, almost desperate, is.. new. different.
jim manages a shaky little laugh as he's all but pushed back into the couch cushion, making his hand cupping spock's neck and jaw a steadying touch, an anchor. he smiles, unsteady, as the younger man's brow rests lightly against his own, lips still brushing, so close. god, he can feel the heat of him even through the layers of their clothing, the hungry way he holds him startling and an unexpected balm to his ego.
then he speaks, and the older man has to blink away more tears threatening. yes. yes, he's here. he's alive and real, and if he wants jim even a fraction as badly as jim wants him, then james kirk is a very lucky man indeed.
he kisses him again because he can, because he needs him, will always need him, even if it's selfish. ] Spock, [ he murmurs as they break apart again, just for the pleasure of saying his name, and lifts their twined fingers so he can duck his head and kiss the pads of spock's, sucking the tip between his lips and grazing it with his teeth. ]
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what it is now is exactly what he's wanted for months now. jim's touch, the transference of affection and heat buzzing lightly at the edges of his thoughts, his emotional balance.
spock remains where he is for that moment of steadying, brushes a kiss at the corner of jim's mouth, stays close, watches him, and decides, abruptly, that he would very much prefer to never let go. illogical nonsense, and yet.
this time he melts into the kiss rather than surges into it, but not because he's any less eager. it's because a line of tension has been drawn out of him, the realization that he does, in fact, get to have this. that he does matter, that he is enough, that jim can breathe his name out like that and—
—every single thought derails all at once because when they draw back, because jim is—
well—
it's not something that happens, really, to people like spock, for many reasons not just that even the brush of fingers against one another is barely appropriate for public sight. and the soft press of lips is overwhelming enough, but that brief flicker from before of 'that sound i made would be deeply embarrassing anywhere else' falls right out a twelve-story window because it's nothing compared to the way spock's breath hiccups despite every attempt to stop it when he feels the blunt edges of jim's teeth graze his fingertip, the slight, slight suction to get it near enough to them so he can do so.
spock is, to put it colloquially, completely fucked.
his eyes have gone wide, the pupils narrowing to slits before blowing out again, he blinks one set of eyelids and then the other, then he opens his mouth and nothing comes out—
—his fingers twitch slightly, one of the free ones brushing lightly across jim's lower lip, his gaze now unblinking because he can't look away. he thinks he says jim's name but it sounds a little thready so maybe he didn't. he swallows, shifting slightly where he sits, and he should be embarrassed by how he briefly presses his thighs together, but he's too busy moving just afterward, turning, swinging a leg fully over the admiral's lap to sit astride him, fingers of his free hand trailing through his hair, the tips grazing his temple with the helpless transfer of blind heat and want.
he should be more composed. more well-regulated. better able to control himself. he is, in fact, none of those things at the moment.
enjoy your activated cat, admiral kirk. ]
@smartass_captain
[ honestly, the sight of two spocks next to each other in identical parade rests, both clearly full of the vulcan version of incandescent anger, is probably kind of unsettling. doubly so when one is your first officer and the other is your romantic partner. despite their slight differences in appearance, it's still, well, uncanny.
probably worse that they've been in quiet discussion until jim turns his attention to spock, who finally, finally blinks and inclines his head slightly in acknowledgement. ]
It is fortunate that you have received treatment for your injuries in a timely manner.
[ a little stiff, though. just. just a little. ]
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It's not as bad as it looks.
[Jim tries at first, only for Bones to snort derisively over his shoulder.]
I'll be the judge of that, Jim. Now hold still for god's sake.
[He's cutting away Jim's shirt the rest of the way so they can start inspecting his lacerations for foreign material as well. Gonna have to clean this out Real good before they take a dermagen to him or he's liable to get an infection.]
I could have taken it off, Bones...
[Jim's sigh is Loud and Put Upon. This is some Bullshit.]
pulls a shade down over the date on this
[ but the set of spock's shoulders is a little looser, a little less like a spring wound so tight it's about to snap. he does not sigh in return; vulcans do not sigh. he listens to some final commentary from the commander before he's left to be the spock who takes care of the situation; now that doctor mccoy is tending to jim, it's easier for his counterpart to allow the switch. spock understands the sentiment.
once it's deemed appropriate, spock steps forward, close to where jim sits on the biobed but still out of the way, and looks at him very quietly for a moment. ]
You are fortunate your injuries are not more severe. For that, I am glad.
[ not satisfied, not gratified. glad, the use of the word pointed in its emotive nature. ]
I see nothing
[The medicine's starting to kick in, and Jim struggles to hold onto his thoughts. Struggles, but manages. For the moment at least.]
I saw how bad it. It coulda been down there. Trust me. This isn't that bad.
[Having to focus so much on keeping his eyes on Spock and speaking means he's too focused to fight Bones while the man preps Jim for cleaning out the wound. Every now and then he gives a faint hiss of pain, but doesn't flinch much at all.]
R...reason I was mouthing off. [A limp, half hearted gesture toward the door.] To Spock, I mean. Sometimes I get so damn mad when you lot act like I'm the same...as I was Before.
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It is not that you are the 'same as before.' [ quietly. he stands in the vee of jim's legs where he sits, and he keeps slowly, methodically touching his hair, granting a measure of soothing through the contact. ] Just because it could have been worse does not make what did happen negligible or not something to express concern over or in fact discuss. He and I both acknowledge and appreciate that you have made adjustments to your behavior that have had a positive effect on your physical well-being both on and off missions.
[ this time, he does let the side of his thumb brush along jim's temple. brief, with a flutter of affection but also undisguised worry. ]
However, I did not appreciate that even after being told by my counterpart what had happened, you voiced displeasure that I had been informed at all.
[ he pauses here, trying to consider his words even more carefully than usual. ]
Despite our mission of peace, we often find ourselves in dangerous spaces and hazardous situations. I do not think it is unwarranted to be concerned in these times. I also do not think it is unreasonable to expect to be informed promptly, if possible, should anything detrimental occur. [ when he continues, it's quieter. even more subdued, if possible. ] There may come a time when such a message is 'put off' for later, and the chance to send one does not occur again. This is in part why I have also attempted to alter my behavior when it comes to open communication. It is my failing for not indicating my desire for the same in return when I responded to your request.
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[Maybe? Though it's not 'better' necessarily. Most compatible with, perhaps. The soft fingers in his hair combined with the pain medication leave Jim feeling like he's floating a little. Foggy. But he has a Thought yet, one he's barely keeping a grasp on. Trying to get out.
Jim makes a vague noise of complaint at first. Because he knows Spock is being reasonable, but it's so hard to find words the more the hypo tries to pull him down into resting so his body can heal.]
Not. No--not at all. Don't want to send partial...
[Goddammit. This is so hard.]
This isn't stable and it's not reliable. I don't...want....you to get...t..to get hhhhhhh and it be old. Or. Or incomplete? I-i. Sorry. It's. I....
[He reaches out for Spock where he's laying but even this is sluggish. It's so important to tell Spock, but everything is soft around the edges. He makes another noise of effort but stays trailed off.]
@smartass_captain
there also is the perk of surprising one another. both crews are used to seeing alternate versions of people they know by now so it really is simple to make the visit after a relatively routine mission. he arrives and passes nyota in the corridor; she gives him a look he still can't quite place and teases him for showing up windswept and ruffled and he shoots her a response that makes her laugh and pat his arm through his sleeve as she continues to her destination.
because chilly and windy but not sub-zero weather on the new m-class his current scientific surveys have been focused on has spock in his winter uniform, regulation leather jacket unzipped now that the temperature is controlled and hair mussed from the elements. free time before he has to return to his station is as good a reason as any to surprise jim in his office, and though he notes the sense of frustration and overworked annoyance from out in the halls, it just makes him more determined to make sure jim takes a break.
he knocks once before stepping into the office, letting the door swish shut behind him before he speaks. ]
I find myself with an excess of free time and desired to make best use of it by visiting you while I have the opportunity. I hope I am not interrupting your work.
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And if Nyota is going to go wander on up to inform the CO that Jim is going to be indisposed for the forseeable future despite his not comming up to say as much, well. That's her business. Good for Spock in showing up to coerce his fiancé into taking a break.
Not that Jim knows that himself even, yet. He's up to his goddamn eyeballs in conflicting reports trying to sort through a diplomatic kerfuffle ahead of their approach to the colony. He's been at it for the better part of the day and the desire to just bin every single one of the PADDs is growing by the minute. Truthfully he's about a quarter of an hour away from getting up on his own to go wander down into engineering to find something solid he can put his hands to. Get some sort of satisfaction in a problem he can actually fix.
He's not expecting the knock at his door but he calls in for them to enter. His gaze is marking his spot in each of the documents he's pouring over but he jerks his head up the moment Spock opens his mouth. Surprised, and then--shocked into absolute silence while he perishes on the spot.
What is Spock wearing? Leather jacket?? Fitted gloves???? Ruffled hair????? Excuse him while he reboots promptly He hasn't heard a damn word Spock's said.]
Spock..?!
[Well, he's clearly Happy to see the other but that shock isn't going to last for long. Congratulations, you broke your bondmate.]
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Yes, it is I, Spock.
[ with the low, base incredulity he wears so well whenever jim says something very, very perplexing. ]
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He circles around from behind the desk in a couple long strides. Expression unreadable but intent.
Jim's fingers brush against the door controls to lock them milliseconds before his other hand fists into Spock's shirt beneath his leather jacket and shoves him up against the now-locked door. He follows in the same movement, crowding up against his younger bondmate. Rocking right up onto the balls of his feet so he can press a searing kiss onto Spock's big dumb face right this second.
He will not be taking questions or criticisms at this time verbally.]
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the time between that and jim's next actions is insufficient for spock to brace himself for the impact but he finds it difficult to care about that when jim's in his space, pressed against him, kissing him with so much need that the heightened transference jim always exudes is completely unnecessary for spock to understand the assignment, as it were.
no more encouragement is needed for spock to press into the kiss and match jim's want, to plant a hand at his nape and hold him there, the leather of his gloves cool in comparison to the usual heat of his touch, while the other grips at his waist and yanks him closer. if this is how jim desires to spend this part of their reunion, spock has no complaints.
(and if he enjoys being the one pressed bodily against a flat surface this time, who could blame him?) ]
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The other is reaching up to bury itself into the Vulcan's wind ruffled hair to muss it further. It feels like it takes no time at all to Jim at all for his breath to come out heavier, shuddering when he pulls back to breathe. But not before nipping at Spock's lip with his teeth on the retreat.]
Your fingers are going in my mouth. Gloves on or off?
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by the time jim draws back to speak there's a green flush high on his cheeks and his breath comes a little shorter.
the question gets a slight widening of his eyes, pupils visibly retracting to slits before going even more blown than before, but spock doesn't answer verbally. instead he swallows hard and lifts his hand to catch the tip of the glove at his middle finger between his teeth and tug it to free his hand, cupping jim's jaw afterward and running his thumb along his lower lip before presenting two bare fingers to him. ]
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Yeah....goddamn, yeah... Want to feel what you feel--
[Every word traced out against Spock's fingertips. Jim's tongue peeks out to lap at the tips first, his eyes dark with his want as he flits them up to lock with Spock's own. Only once he's made direct eye contact does he lean forward to take the digits as deep into his mouth as Spock can reach. His tongue works over each lovingly. Worshiping him in ways only Jim can.]
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his fingers flex minutely as jim's tongue teases them, but the way he takes them in to the base immediately afterward is what drags a shaky breath out of him, what has him giving a gentle squeeze with the hand still at his nape and he lets out a low moan.
the feeling is electric, has pleasure zinging through him, has his voice low and a little rough when he speaks. ]
I have not seen you this eager in some time.
[ as he says it, he feeds jim some of the sensations he's bringing spock through their bond and draws his fingers back before pressing them in again, pads gliding along his tongue. ]
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Spock's right about all of it. Jim hasn't gotten this hard this fast in a long damn time.]
Nnnh~!
[Nodding minutely. Agreement to the sentiment though obviously he can't explain like this. He turns his attention to bobbing his head in time with the thrust of those long fingers into his mouth.]
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he continues to feed jim the pleasure too, even as he shifts his stance to brace himself against the door so that jim can easily lean against him, spock's knee a steady balancing spot between his thighs.
because he moans again, loosening the mental hold on just how much of the sensation he allows through their connection, flush running down his neck and disappearing under his collar.
he keeps his head tilted to watch, sliding his free hand forward to cup jim's jaw, to press his thumb experimentally to jim's cheek and put on a little pressure until he can feel it against the fingers in his mouth. another shudder runs through him for the act, his breath coming shaky. ]
You are—
[ he trails off: he's not even sure what word to even try to use and describe what he looks like right now. instead spock grants him an image of how slick his thighs already are. ]
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The other sensation proves to be also hot as hell. Watching Spock fuck himself up with some tactile play is never not the most attractive thing Jim's ever seen. At the next pass, Jim jerks forward and takes Spock's fingers as deep as he can again, swallowing around them and doing his best to suck them clean as he draws back.
Spock shares the sense of his own arousal. Jim, unskilled, psi-null, and with his mouth very much too full to Speak, attempts to focus despite the fog of lust he's in. To imagine Spock shoving him up against the door, still fully clothed, and fucking him senseless right here. The Where isn't as important as him just keeping this goddamn outfit on in the moment.
But if he's not really able to get the thought across he is going to whine sooner or later to beg for it aloud.]
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he shudders, dragging his fingers out of jim's mouth fully, briefly curling them to hook at the backs of his lover's teeth before releasing him entirely. ]
Here.
[ low, throaty, but pointed. he doesn't wait, though, so it come across more as a warning than a command: he shifts them all at once, using his strength and speed to give jim exactly what he wants: he flips them and slams jim against the door, pins him there by the nape, then leans up against his back from behind. only then does he move that hand so he can present his fingers to jim's mouth again (this one still gloved, both because he needs to focus and because the bare one is his dominant one), pressing a kiss behind his ear followed by another to his now-bared nape. ]
I did not realize you would be this affected by my clothing.
[ still low, but he's clearly willing to provide: his weight is what keeps jim in place as his free hand slips around to jim's front so he can squeeze his cock through his pants, then start to work at his fly.
(he's hard himself, his lok having slipped free inch by inch over the past few moments, but he can worry about that in a moment.) ]
too flabbergasted by cursed foodstuffs to notice you replied, oops
P...please, Spock--
[Lost in the warning and the collective groans of both of them as Jim finds himself pivoted on the spot and slammed up against his own door.]
Fffffuck--!
[The gloved hand at his nape, pinning his face against the comparatively cool surface so carefully. Spock's heat settling over him like a blanket, his scent mingling with the jacket and their own heightening arousals. It's all so much. His mouth falls open when Spock offers him the gloved digits this time, muffling the truly wrecked noises he makes as Spock mouths both along the back of his ear and his nape.
He nods shakily as if it weren't obvious. Bucks his hips shamelessly into Spock's hand. Jim's almost vibrating with his want by this point. Dizzy for the faint sound of rustling leather. The glimpse of Spock's phaser holster-strap at his thigh when Jim looks down to where his fiance is stealing away into Jim's pants.
All noises are urgent and eager, as is the tongue slowly forcing Spock's fingers to spread in his mouth by laving in between them.]
understandable lmao
Spread your legs.
[ as best as he can still mostly clothed, at least. while Spock would generally prefer not to soil their clothing as thoroughly as this, he finds he lacks the ability to care at the moment. drawing his lok free of layers of fabric makes him suck in a sharp breath, and he yanks jim's pants and underwear down just enough to give him access. he strokes his own arousal slowly to slick up his fingers (obscene, filthy—) because no matter how much jim wants it, spock won't do this without preparing him first. ]
Breathe, ashayam.
[ the words are thick on his tongue, his own patience wearing thin. once he's sure jim is focused enough to do so, he starts to press the first finger into him. ]
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Jim shifts on his feet, arches his hips up and back for Spock's benefit as much as he can manage in the tight space between them. He's definitely more flexible than the position offered, but with his thighs trapped somewhat together by his uniform he does the best he can.
The first sound that might be complaint ripples between them at the urging to breathe, but it's for the best Spock holds them in that limbo long enough for Jim to cave and comply. Settle down enough to relax for the touch Spock is offering him. His fingers curl against the door, nails scratching against the smooth surface with his impatience.
Jim's hunger and adoration thrum through him. The only way he can show it is in the softer laves of his tongue against the gloved fingers still working slowly in his mouth. Every other thought hangs like a curtain in the back of Jim's mind to settle over Spock as much as he wishes.]
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[ spock is unrelenting like this, but still as measured as possible for jim's sake. he keeps track of his lover's reactions as he starts to truly work him open, fingers still slowly pumping in and out of his mouth, just now in time with how the fingers of his other hand move, one and then two, as slow as he's able to force himself to be with jim so desperate, responsive, and expressive.
he doesn't speak, just acts, lips brushing his nape again, his ear, teeth catching the rounded shell of it as his eyes watch jim's fingers curl where they rest. it's taking all of his self-control at this point to keep steady: finally, he thrusts both fingers inside jim and curves them, aiming to press where he knows will make jim even more reactive, to drag fingertips along sensitive nerves with well-practiced precision. but before he can move on— ]
Remember what I said about breathing, Jim.
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Even if Spock couldn't hear Jim's breathing (or lack thereof) he can tell where Jim's at by the degree of fuzziness in the man's constant feedback threading through the bond between them.
Doesn't stop Jim from making a short, petulant sound of complaint around the deep breaths through his nose though.
He's going to be clawing at the goddamn door the second Spock hones in and starts rubbing over his prostate. Choking on Spock's fingers just briefly before he goes after them with even greater desperation. All sense of holding back evaporates while his lover plays Jim like a musical instrument. He'll breathe if Spock wants him to, but the only sense Jim focuses on is Now.
A litany. A mantra. A prayer if that's what it takes.]
some nsfw since im home anyway lmao
—now hits like a bolt of lightning and he finally relents, taking yet another shaky breath and nodding where he rests so jim can feel the movement. he moves quickly after that, keeping his fingers in jim's mouth as he withdraws the other hand, taking only as much time as is necessary to position them both so that he can rock his hips forward, sinking slowly but smoothly inch by inch into his bondmate until they're flush against one another.
jim is so hot around him despite their actual temperature disparity being the opposite that he moans, a low, wrecked thing muffled against the older man's back before he finally, finally starts to move.
no one has ever so thoroughly ruined spock as jim always does, much less when they've barely started. ]
don't know where you are - not wifi safe
He can't see it now, but the scent of leather is still heady, especially with Spock's gloved fingers working in Jim's mouth. Jim can feel the brush of Spock's bangs against his shoulders and remembers that ruffled windswept look he'd walked in with. Jim's whole body caresses Spock covetously with the memory. With how the jacket hung open, Spock's tits were full ass on display. Jim can't stop thinking about it. The look of him, his usual prim and proper lab coated boyfriend looking ruffled and rugged and--the leather the rub of leather and the smell of it and the feel of that stretch and connection--
Jim's thoughts melt together as he's pushed up against the door again. He moans around Spock's fingers but does shudder through a deep breath through his nose lest Spock Stop now of all times.
He wants his love to know just how goddamn hot he looked waltzing into Jim's office. How Jim's cock jumped at the sight of him. All of it.]
@smartass_captain
it means that they can get ready together in spock's temporary quarters on the station, jim looking even more dashing than usual in spock's reality's command dress uniform, and spock's hands can brush nonexistent lint off of the other man's shoulders while they stand near the door putting on final touches. ]
I admit to taking some measure of satisfaction from seeing you in this uniform.
[ low and measured but a little heavy at the edge of it, meaningful. then he takes a single step back, returning to his normal parade rest, and nods decisively. ]
The party will last until 2230, after which we will be free to spend time as we choose until you must return to your own posting.
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Then there's the all important event.
Jim flashes Spock a grin as he's fussed over by the other.]
Used to brag back at the Academy I could make Anything look good. Glad to see it's still true even now.
[He reaches up to boop Spock on the tip of his nose gently.]
Anytime you get too self conscious about the whole couples thing, just remember you've only gotta make it to 2230 and then you can drag me off and enjoy every aspect of me in or out of this attire as much as you want. Okay?
[Jim ought to be telling Himself that as much as Spock. It Feels Significant to be arm in arm with Spock, being introduced as the Lieutenant's bondmate for this event. Having cocked up the invitation for this already, Jim really wants to impress out there tonight.]
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[ a joke, maybe. an idle tease, in spock's own way, even as he raises his eyebrows in response to the 'boop.' ]
Indeed. We will both be able to enjoy that time together. It would be agreeable should the event itself be pleasant as well, however.
[ before they exit the room, spock leans in to steal a soft but lingering kiss from jim's mouth, then urges himself to relax and turns to the door. ]
Should it not be, the promise of afterward will suffice as incentive. I am ready. [ unfortunately. ] I have also made note of what menu options are certain to be safe for your consumption tonight.
[ habit, by now, to ensure jim's safety. ]
If you are similarly prepared, we may go.
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[Regular meals, a job that about two-thirds of the time is paperwork oriented, and just plain aging have made him a lot softer and heavier than back then. Jim's quietly grateful that it doesn't appear to have had a bad impact on his looks much given how much Spock loves to get him out of his clothes on a regular basis.
More importantly, who gave Spock the right to be this damn cute and drop-dead gorgeous at the same time? Jim grins.]
Here's hoping. Maybe we can find some half decent company and pass the time chatting up just a few folks about anything interesting. And if not, well. Right. There's After.
[Eyebrow waggle. But not a big one!]
Lead the way.
[Jim's a little bit disappointed that this isn't taking place on Spock's Enterprise because so far Jim hasn't been allowed to see any more of that then from the transport room to Spock's quarters. His presence aboard the ship is still pretty classified until either side really knows how the hell this works.
At the same time, having the event take place on a station Jim's never been to means he's less likely to take a wrong turn because muscle memory took over. It's beyond Weird to walk arm in arm with Spock, still. Weird but. Good-weird. The kind that makes Jim feel like he shouldn't breathe lest the moment slips away from him.]
So why'd You specifically get roped into this anyway? Enterprise's a big ship. Surely there were Easier couples to pull for this. Not that I'm complaining, mind. But don't think I failed to notice.
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[ pointed. either way, spock does and will continue to find jim attractive as time passes and he ages further, to say nothing of how little he objects to jim's softness. so long as jim is happy and healthy, spock is happy with him. he understands being self-conscious, even if his own issues have nothing to do with those aspects, and tries, at least, to take such things into account.
in any case, spock notes the brow waggle, tilts his head in mock innocence in return, and they head out.
the station is a good space for the gathering: it means that if things get to be too too much, spock can request to leave entirely and they can reboard the ship. however, he's relaxed (for him) as they walk the corridors to the event hall the party's being held in, and he glances over at their linked arms, then over to jim's face before he answers the question. ]
It is relevant to my fields of study, and as the chief science officer, I deemed it appropriate to make an appearance. I am gratified to be able to attend with you as a consequence.
[ the doors slide open as they approach and there are enough people already present for spock and jim to make a quiet, mostly unnoticed entrance for now. spock's grateful for that, too, so that he can get his bearings in the social space. ]
I will likely be—
[ he doesn't get to finish his sentence, because you know what happens next? A Guy Shows Up. a super megahot vulcan babe, actually, who is clearly zeroing in on spock in particular in a typically vulcan intense way for his greeting.
spock blinks, clearly taken slightly aback, and before he responds, he says: ]
Jim, this is V'Raht, a scientist with whom I collaborated relatively recently on a paper regarding reintroducing pollenators to inhospitable biomes. V'Raht, this is Jim Kirk, my partner.
[ which is not how spock would like to introduce him, but it had been decided early that while things are still nebulous around jim, it's the title with the most plausible deniability should anyone confuse the two jims.
in general, spock likes to remain private about these kinds of things anyway, but he's trying his best to meet in the middle in regards to relationship secrecy and frankly, he hopes it will keep others from bothering him. ]
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[Patient, and yet flattered that Spock speaks so assuredly about Jim's attractiveness. Don't get him wrong--Jim knows what he looks like. But it doesn't stop the man form having insecurities. Having his mega hot younger partner find him as attractive as he does? It's a nice little ego boost.
It's strange to be wearing a dress uniform that makes him look like he's retired rather than active duty Starfleet. There's no rank braids on it. Every so often he reaches over to straighten them despite them being fine. It just feels weird not to have them. But he's a pretty closely guarded secret right now, so it can't be helped.
And it's not his career that should be the focus of anyone's conversation here.]
Makes sense.
[He'd just been about to ask Spock which of his more recent experiments, if any, he was planning on taking about if anyone got curious enough to engage him in small talk when they're approached. And Jim's kneejerk reaction? Is just casual friendliness. Because wow this guy is aesthetically hot as hell and Jim can appreciate it even if he has no interest.
Wild that for a gathering so focused on being a 'couples' event this guy's running stag. But well. Vulcan. Maybe he's in a similar spot Spock seemed to be in. Maybe Jim's projecting but the guy seemed almost shocked Spock came here with anyone.]
Good to meet you, V'Raht.
Jim Kirk.
[A simple statement. A clarification of greeting. And then brushed aside entirely. He turns to face Spock more fully.]
I am gratified you determined this a satisfactory use of your time, Spock. It is preferable to speak presently than to rely on subspace channels.
[Jim's brows raise a little. Thirty seconds in and the science talk is starting. But the vibes? No, no he's just being stupid. There's no way, right?]
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[ mildly. it might sound rude to others, but it's polite enough for a vulcan. spock stands at an idle, relaxed parade rest for now, satisfied to stand by jim while discussing his work with v'raht in his presence.
and for spock, it does seem like a normal conversation. he even tries to make a point to explain the scientific intricacies to jim, who he trusts to understand with minimal prompting due to his intelligence; his lack of knowledge of the project is simply due to it not being a previous conversation point.
v'raht, however, seems to be taking the discussion much more personally, or at least that's the vibe he gives off. not in an aggressive way, but the slant of his conversational tactics looks a whole hell of a lot like how spock gets when he's flirting with jim over a chess game.
it's just that spock is studiously treating the conversation as usual and not engaging otherwise while the other scientist seems to be trying to 'ramp it up' periodically and get a very specific kind of attention out of spock. he's also very familiar, like this isn't a new occurrence, and on top of that he seems almost mystified that spock isn't taking the bait, as it were.
what weird vibes! one might even say they could perhaps be just a little rancid. spock doesn't seem uncomfortable, though, just like he wants to focus on the science. ]
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Sure, the incline in posture is probably due to interest in the subject matter more than anything else, but Jim's eye twitches all the same. This guy is INTO the research and his excitement is palpable. Does he have to be so goddamn close though? It's taking more effort than Jim would like not to scowl. Not to interrupt.
Eventually he cracks. Jim winces at the edge in his own voice and forces some midwestern passive aggressive friendliness into his voice to cover up his almost sounding like he wanted to pick a fight for half a second there.]
Sorry, When exactly did this happen? I had no idea you were working on a research paper.
'Worked'. Previous tense. Indicating an action that has already completed. [Okay Jim shoots V'raht a Look for that.] Though I would find further collaboration gratifying. Previous results have proven an effective compatibility in research.
[Excuse?????? No, no no. Hold on. 'Gratifying' is the big horny code word. What the fuck????]
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[ spock's tone is still even, but there's something about it: v'raht's meaning was clear, but spock is doubling down on the pedantry and corrections in a way he doesn't with other people and in a manner in which he certainly doesn't correct jim in their conversations, where if he requires clarification he simply asks for it.
he pauses over the rest of the commentary though, not awkward or delicate but definitely pointed. ]
While I found our compatibility to be adequate and I am certain you would find further collaboration gratifying, you are aware that my additions to the project were only required in preliminary stages and this was relayed to you early enough in the process for you to find a suitable replacement for a research partner.
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It's good, he supposes, that Spock had his research to keep busy with. Because surely it's just research and Jim's reading too much into this. They're Vulcans talking shop at a science event. He's so in his own head he almost misses Spock's remark. It surprises him then and he doesn't hide his chuckle quickly enough. V'raht is giving Him a look this time and Jim shakes his head quickly.]
Nah, sorry about that.
[The Vulcan kinda looks pissed though and it's as Jim's about to turn for the drinks table to fetch them something that he freezes on the spot. He'd laughed because it sounded like Spock was making a dig at the guy about his skills in bed. And that's exactly what they were talking about.
This motherfucker thought he'd show up to a couples event and what? Spock would just fall to his knees and suck the guy off just like that??? These two fucked. Spock brough Jim here to talk to his superhot Vulcan ex who clearly still wants a shot. Superhot Vulcan Ex who is hot, smart, LOCAL, and so DTF it's not even funny. He's chewed on the inside of his cheek so hard he's drawn blood.
Here he's been dragging his heels on even committing to the idea of himself DATING Spock and the guy had options coming out of every cupboard. Jim swallows.]
And what science does Jim Kirk specialize in? [V'raht replies coolly. He has never heard of such a human. Unsurprising given he's, well. Human. But surely Spock isn't insinuating that he's less compatible than this man.]
Spock's the genius. I'm no slouch where it comes to computer sciences, but even there he's got me beat.
[Jim barely hears himself talking. He's not about to blow their cover but it's So Hard to be normal when he wants to drag this stupidly attractive asshole out of the event entirely instead of leaning into Spock's space like this now that he's Convinced they've fucked before.]
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spock brought jim with him to this event both because he wants to spend time with him and because he likes to show him off a little, sure. it wasn't an intended jab against the vulcan scientist pissing him off right now originally, but it feels like it should be now, if v'raht continues to act as irrationally as he did upon spock's initial severing of their brief...
relationship is not the right word. fling, perhaps. spock had been clear from the beginning, even, that it would be temporary. but here they are, and the other vulcan's tone when he questions jim's credentials hits something in spock's spine that makes his side clench in anger that he has to exhale slowly to be able to contain properly. ]
One of Jim's [ pointedly familiar with only his first name, voice low, ] habits is underselling his own abilities in this way. While he is not employed in the sciences, he's remarkably innovative. He is not so tied to previous findings or what should be when it comes to problem-solving that it hinders his ability. Particularly, his ability to find solutions where traditional means would dictate there are none is fascinating.
[ again, pointed. fascinating. there are few words more clear in intent than that when spoken in this context by a vulcan. ]
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Goddammit, this asshole is ruining this whole event Spock's been stressing over for the last Month. V'raht finally deigns to glance at Jim in what the man can only describe as the most disdainful expression he's ever seen before fully regarding Spock once more.
A human, more intriguing than a Vulcan partner? He did not know Spock had a sense of humor.]
Of course bias towards one's original hypothesis should never stifle concrete data, however, methodology exists because it has been proven. I find it highly irregular that you would put so much stock into unproven strategies over what opportunities could be had among your own peers. It's frankly a waste of your potential--
[Jim's eyebrows lift. His jaw ticks. He's going to punch this guy--]
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[ it's spoken firmly on the immediate tail end of the othe vulcan's statement. spock shifts his weight almost imperceptibly, edging between v'raht and jim because he can feel the particular brand of tension emanating off of jim and wants to circumvent it. better to prevent a scene, to get in the way, remind everyone that things are taken care of— ]
Allow me to clarify. I find it surprising that you would debase yourself in such a way when you have proven your ability to rise above your status among our peers. Perhaps you are more like your father than you would like to admit.
[ the silence is deafening but only for a split-second, the time it takes for spock to take a single step forward and punch v'raht so hard in the face that he stumbles. in the shocked silence, this one lingering, in the after math, spock speaks. his voice is steady and even and carries. ]
While Ambassador Sarek and I rarely agree, I will note that your persistence in pursuing me beyond all reason proves his 'unproven strategy' of bonding with my mother to have viable, desired results. In light of this, I find a comparison to him unobjectionable. In fact, you may say what you like about me. It matters little, if any. However, I object to your commentary that partnering with a human, be the case my father with my mother or myself with my partner, is a debasement. It also heavily implies that you view partnering with me to be a debasement of yourself. I assure you this is not the case, as you were not the one 'slumming it,' as I have heard it put, in our arrangement.
[ this is probably about when they should go. or at least leave the room so spock can cool off. so they can both cool off? so someone can cool off. ]
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He blinks twice. Well. Jim didn't get to punch the bastard, but Spock's handled it for him. He turns on his heel and shoots Spock a glance over his shoulder.]
I think I need some fresh air. Walk with me?
[Feels real stupid he was even Jealous of this jackass the way Spock talks about him now. Seems hottie hot Vulcan was barely more than tepid past the body department.]
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[ because as soon as jim is moving, so is spock. he falls into step next to jim, the picture of calm again, hands clasped behind him as they walk. it isn't until they're out in the carefully-tended gardens edging the venue that spock speaks, his voice low. ]
I apologize. I was unaware that V'Raht would make his presence so unavoidable. I erroneously assumed he would be intelligent enough to 'read the room,' as I have heard it described, and not realizing that he would make a point to do the opposite is my failing.
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[Jim doesn't expect him to be hurt and it's not what he Wants to say, but until they're out somewhere private he doesn't feel like talking about it. An unease that doesn't entirely feel contained to him but that Jim doesn't fight either. Spock's fine. They're fine.
And the gardens are nice enough. Sigh.]
He wouldn't have gotten so haughty if I hadn't butted in, probably.
[Jim says. He lifts a hand to rub at the back of his neck.]
So. That's on me, too.
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[ quiet, still low, and back to the calm warmth that spock holds for jim whenever they speak.
as for the rest of what jim says once they're alone, spock's brows briefly knit together before he turns toward the older man, his hand settling at his waist in a way at least a little proprietary. ]
His inability to honor the parameters set for him previously and subsequent inability to control his emotions and reactions are not something you are at fault for, Jim. To be blunt, it is not your problem that he could not handle rejection. [ a beat, and then: ] Even before the Montgomeries Scott were able to ensure the ability to physically inhabit the same space again, I was extremely clear with him that he was nothing more than a brief— [ what word to use? ] —Distraction.
[ from the palpable misery he'd been in knowing the person who shared his soul would be impossible to have. ]
I am aware that may reflect badly on me. I did not handle our separation well after we met in person.
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It doesn't. I was struggling, too. If I'd run into someone on station or...I could have easily done the same thing. We were in transit for most of the time though so I just.
[Jim shrugs a little. His expression carefully controlled to not give anything away. Spock knows better. But they're Out in Public so Jim's attempting to keep his dignity.]
I thought about you a Lot.
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[ and usually because there was an emergency, or he'd finally managed to completely shut off during meditation. the latter never lasted long, however.
his voice is still quiet, as much a reassurance as jim's own words had been even as he takes a step closer, gently squeezing the older man's waist before seeking out one of his hands so as to hold it. this too, is chaste: he is seeking connection as a human would, the mutual comfort of touch. ]
I do not know the appropriate words to express how I feel other than to inform you that I am happy it is you here with me.
[ you, specifically, this particular jim kirk, this human man who has seen him and not found him lacking. who is aware of his failings and yet treats him this way.
his comment is, in essence, a lie. he knows the appropriate words. however, allowing himself that level of emotionality when things are so fresh between them seems rash, like jim might find him instead too much. too intense.
it will hold, he hopes. ]