[ spock is not entirely sure how he ended up taking four of the same classes with james t. kirk.
they are often, to use a human phrase, 'neck-and-neck' in grades, with one or the other eking in front before being overtaken again. it drives spock up the wall, to use another human phrase. he is unused to being anything less than the absolute best since arriving at the academy: he struggled to an extent in his schooling on vulcan, but by the time he left to join starfleet he had been far past the days where he felt like a disappointment.
starfleet academy has been far more diverse, far more engaging, and far more accepting. spock does not think he will ever feel fully comfortable with who and what he is but that is the nature of existing in a liminal space: he is the product of two worlds and thus will never fully belong in either. he must be resigned to that.
in the academy, he is allowed to simply be spock. not an image, not a poster child, not an experiment.
and currently, being spock is being only 3 points ahead of kirk in the grading of the class they are currently in. they have been paired together for a project, which is both an annoyance and a boon: their grades will be tied together so there is no way kirk can surpass him, but it also means he must swallow a measure of his pride to work with him.
none of this is to say he dislikes kirk: on the contrary, he finds the man fascinating. however, this does not mean it is acceptable to allow him to overtake spock academically.
they are, at the moment, seated across from one another in the library. spock has a padd in front of him on which he has taken copious notes. he is also looking at kirk with a vague air of confusion. ]
Please explain your reasoning for picking that particular topic to cover.
[ Contrary to popular belief, Jim is not intentionally needling the Vulcan.
He can admit he's enjoying their little academic rivalry - and, perhaps, encouraging it to a certain degree. A healthy amount, Jim would argue. What? He'd hate for Spock to get bored. But it's not an unfriendly competition - okay, sometimes it's hard to tell whether it is or it isn't on Spock's end, but it definitely isn't on Jim's end, and he's 90% sure it isn't contentious on Spock's. 80%. Okay, 75% on a bad day.
It's true that Jim likes to tease - likes to pull pigtails and be contrary, but never, ultimately, that difficult. Is it his fault the furrow Spock gets in his brow whenever Jim's papers fall just behind Spock's on the grand total grading rubric (or, on occasion, just ahead, though Spock doesn't let him hold those records for too long, usually) is delightful to behold?
Shh, listen, Jim doesn't know what anyone may or may not have heard, but it's not his fault he's giving Spock a run for his credits. The truth is, Jim enjoys it. Genuinely, he does. They're both accustomed to the top, it seems, and maybe Jim likes that he's always a step or so behind Spock, threatening to catch up, unwilling to let Spock have the comfortable lead on his peers he's expecting. Jim enjoys the way Spock keeps him on his toes, the way Spock actually has him trying in PHYS400, a course on Warp Theory and Postwarp Theory in the Science track Jim was auditing as an elected supplement to his ASTRG103 class, for his Command track Astrogation qualification.
He really does find Postwarp Theory interesting, but maybe it was worth it just to see Spock's face when Jim strolled into a Science track class he didn't even need to take. It's not strictly necessary for what he's trying to achieve, it's true, but Spock's presence in the class has Jim actively ensuring he's ahead on his reading.
Not that he took the class for Spock. That would be ludicrous, what with his ridiculous schedule, trying to pack six years of classes into three. They were already in multiple other classes together - Jim's just committed to the bit, that's all. Don't worry about it.
Jim probably should have seen the partnership coming, given that between the two of them, they were already pushing DIPL200 up an extraordinary amount on Lt. Commander Sofak's grading curve. Word must have gotten around, because Jim's never been assigned a partner before. Does that make this all the more amusing? Maybe. Don't tell Spock.
Jim's sitting across from Spock, feet kicked up on one chair, allowing him to push back onto two of four legs in the chair he's actually sitting in, rocking absently back and forth. His notes are a mixture of one Starfleet-issue padd, one nightmare fuel bootleg padd with a crack in the screen that Jim's clearly bastardized for whatever it is he's doing with it, and a physical notebook with cramped chickenscratch writing - Jim prefers to do his math by hand, sometimes, and the pages are littered with numbers, from all directions, as though Jim just grabs the paper anytime he's trying to work something out, and it hardly matters whether the notebook is upside down or not when he grabs it.
Jim's not paying attention to any of it, though, because he's busy trying to catch popcorn in his mouth, flipping kernels up in the air with expert flicks of his thumb, answering without looking at his classmate. ] Come on, Spock. You know optimizing matter recycling is the key to enabling deeper space missions.
[ Is that what the topic is about? Ignore Jim - Spock's confusion is understandable, given that the top of the three-page proposal Jim emailed to him for their essay topic reads Hooked On Hydroponics: They're A-Maizeing!
...alright, maybe the title is still a work in progress, but the rest of the proposal is sound.
Jim misses a piece of popcorn, tipping his chair back dangerously to try and catch it - the legs teeter, threatening to dump him on the floor, but his equilibrium holds. ]
[ kirk's teasing is a source of consternation for spock—or, perhaps confusion is a better word. is is used to the concept of teasing, but it has always, in the past, been malicious means of achieving a negative reaction from him with the intention to wound. this is not that. it is certainly something, but even spock, who still struggles to "read the room" as he has been instructed many times by his fellow cadets, is able to tell that kirk is not in any way being malicious.
however, that just means he does not know what kirk is being.
other than the only person able to make his coursework more engaging as he adds an actual measure of competition to it that simply does not exist among their other classmates.
and despite the fact that spock dislikes the lack of respect with which kirk is treating the furniture, his eyes darting with at least a small measure of judgement to the way the chair he sits in is tilted, the manner in which he takes his notes and does his work is just as fascinating as the man himself. spock has his own habit of hand-written notes, though he has not included them today. generally it is saved for his personal projects, which he is not in the habit of sharing until he has concrete results and may submit a paper including the data.
the popcorn antics, however, are their own entity and spock genuinely hates that part, unable to keep his gaze from following the kernal that kirk drops on its journey to the floor before he slowly drags his attention back toward kirk himself, openly expectant.
when he speaks, his tone is dry. however, there does in fact still exist a small percentage of befuddlement in it. ]
I am aware of this fact. Allow me to clarify. Are the puns an important enduring aspect of your work process?
[ Jim offers Spock a lazy grin - or an approximation of one, because surely he's faking the slacker routine, right? Spock's look back at him would be blank, to anyone else, but Jim is reasonably confident he can parse out the unspoken criticism. He seems to thrive on it, in fact, toying with another piece of popcorn, held between thumb and forefinger. ] You bet your ass they are. Essential, actually, whole thing crumbles apart without it.
[ It might sound like a joke, especially when combined with the amused twist to Jim's mouth, but when he drops all four legs of the chair back to the floor, the energy shift to something far more engaged is apparent. Jim fixes Spock with an intent look, passion and intelligence working in concert behind blue eyes. ] A paper isn't just about facts, it's an opportunity to make the person reading it care about what you're saying. The pun is a hook, something to make us stand out at a glance. Mnemonics have a proven increase in learning and recall by roughly 20% in humans.
[ Jim opens his hand, the popcorn kernel sitting on the flat of his palm. He picks it up with the other, holding it up to eye level. ] Remarkable, isn't it? Federation's most renewable resource. This baby is used as raw fuel for so many things, including replicators - so, most of our food and material supply - produced en masse right here on Earth. It's easy to grow, stupidly easy to replenish, and ecologically-friendly.
[ Jim turns the popped kernel to the side, as if to examine every angle of it. ] Now imagine what we could do if we were able to streamline hydroponic production of this bad boy for deep space travel. How far we could go, Spock! Uncharted space!
[ Jim pops the kernel into his mouth, reaching over with the other hand - the one holding the bag of popcorn he's been munching on - offering it to Spock with a cheeky grin. The reason for it becomes obvious a moment later when he says (sounding unreasonably pleased with himself): ] A-maize-ing, right?
[ there is a moment during this in which spock mouths 'bet your ass' with some manner of—okay, the truth is, he has no clue what the hell that means. the question marks floating over his head are practically palpable.
however, to his credit, he does listen to kirk's entire spiel, though his eyebrows slowly raise so high they almost fully disappear into his bangs, which is impressive because he's already got those like, cunty super short bangs going? point is, they're WAY up there.
however, the fact (because it is a fact) about mnemonics does get his hackles down slightly. it's true, and he does need to take that into account, though he still finds himself saying— ]
—I find it remarkable that anything more than the facts would be required to make someone 'care' about the subject if they are presented in a concise, enlightening manner.
[ other than that though, he doesn't speak until the very end. unfortunately for kirk's self-satisfaction, the pun just gets a blank look. not even a twitch of the corner of his mouth. cold.
he does, at least, politely incline his head in appreciation for the offer of popcorn, though even the thought of touching something, say, buttery, with his bare hands, and not having a way to wash said hands afterward, is enough to make him have no desire to eat any of it whatsoever.
THAT SAID, kirk's reasonings are sound and his arguments well-grounded. the facts of the subject matter are clear and will prove both interesting and beneficial to delve into and cover. ]
I still would not use that term, but I am intrigued by the practical applications you mention.
[ most of it's unconscious: that is, the way admiral kirk treats spock. he keeps his home a few degrees warmer than humans generally find completely comfortable, he always has vulcan teas and plenty of vegetarian options on hand, he often speaks in accented but nearly fluent vulcan when they're alone.. and he touches him. he touches him more, not less, than he does other people, in fact. usually it's a hand on his arm, or fingers brushing his shoulder, or fingers brushing fingers over a chess set, or handing him a cup, or just in passing.
it's not intentional, just the clear habit of long years together with the spock he'd known and loved. they'd been married, he'd admitted eventually, months ago, after one too many glasses of whiskey, as if it hadn't already been obvious. but it had hurt to say, hurt to think about, and he hadn't wanted to put any kind of pressure or expectation on spock. this spock and jim kirk, he'd said, had to make their own decisions about their own relationship, whatever it would or wouldn't be.
the enterprise is back for repairs, and since jim himself is back on earth after another tiresome diplomatic mission, well, it had seemed only natural to catch up with chris and the others, and then invite spock to dinner. it's not unusual for them, particularly now that jim knows spock finds it easier to talk to him, but it has been months since they've been in the same room together like this.
and now? after dinner, jim sits curled comfortably on his couch, nursing a glass of his favorite whiskey in his lap, whole body turned toward spock as he explains the particulars of his latest research project. the moment's soft and familiar and intimate-- or, rather, there are echoes of intimacy. another time, another spock. they would have been closer, even, than they are now. spock's knee would be brushing his, his fingertips sliding between jim's own, that corner of his mouth quirking the way it only ever does for jim. ]
Ashayam, I like where you're going with this, but I genuinely don't think you're going to convince Dr. Whelk to send you her data, and I'm not young enough to try batting my eyelashes at her anymore.
[ several seconds pass before he realizes what he's said, and he immediately winces, the haze of familiarity clearing up like a splash of cold water. he reaches up, pinching the bridge of his nose. ] God, I'm sorry, Spock. That was-- I don't know why I said that. [ no, that's not completely true. after the better part of a year here, it's hard not to.. feel.. things, however inappropriate they might be. ]
[ for jim the actions are unconscious; for spock he's gotten so used to it, to the little bits of fondness he's desperate for, that he's started trying to get more of it whenever possible. he wants to be treated this way by someone who clearly already knows exactly how to interact with him both with the nature of how he touches spock and how he speaks to him, knowing but not prying, taking his comfort into account without thought. to speak so easily in a tongue most humans struggle with no matter how long they try—
—there is absolutely nothing wrong with the jim kirk who is nearer spock's age, the jim kirk who so very recently had introduced himself with a handshake, of all things. however, spock finds interacting with admiral kirk to be, yes, easier. it is easier to share things that would feel like unconscionable secrets with a jim who knows him so fully already, who spock is aware knows every horrible, unlovable part of him and still looks at him with such fondness that more than once spock has felt overwhelmed simply from that.
spock had his own admission to jim months prior: he is lonely in the wake of losing both t'pring and christine for differing reasons, both of which feel like his fault (even though one is and the other is not, spock is only ever truly unkind to himself in these matters). he feels not enough. but spock has never not been enough for jim kirk, despite not being the bondmate he had clearly lost.
he finds that he misses jim most of all even though their partings are only ever temporary, even though he is always just a message away. that should frighten him. he should excise the feelings, stop trying to be for jim what he had lost. he should focus, should keep things to the human definition of friend, but he finds he cannot.
he wonders, often, if he's obvious or if jim simply feels it's a matter of course because it's what he's used to. jim is equal parts easy to read and impossible to decipher. but moments like this, when they can meet in person again, can sit together and discuss things like this that show spock every corner of jim's brilliant mind, one of the most attractive things about him if he's quite honest.
he is, briefly, distracted from the conversation. a fleeting, unbidden thought that he finds more and more difficult to suppress each time they're together. distracted just long enough that ashayam hits him like a blow as he starts piecing together his response about the data in his head and his eyes widen slightly, spine going rail straight as he feels his face heating up, going green from the neck to the tips of his ears. his heart beats faster in his side, he knows it was just reflexive on jim's part, an echo of the husband he lost, but for spock—
for spock, it's too late. jim's voice forming the word has nestled in his head, in his heart, and a vulcan's unique combination of both eidetic memory and hyperthymesia means he'll never, ever forget what it sounds like.
it takes him long enough to school his expression that jim has already started to apologize.
spock realizes, all at once, that if he doesn't do this, he likely never will.
so he reaches out, fingers grazing jim's knee, then along the side of his hand. purposeful, as he tilts his head just enough to catch the admiral's gaze. he is, unfortunately, fully aware that his cheeks are still stained green, but it's too late. it doesn't matter. his thumb brushes the line of jim's wrist. ]
Apology is unnecessary when offense has not been taken, Jim.
[ uncharacteristically, he feels himself starting to hold his breath before he forces himself to keep his respiration even. ]
[ trapped somewhere between humiliation and surging grief, he doesn't notice what's happening with spock until he feels fingers touch his knee. he nearly jolts, startled by the contact, but those fingers crawl up to his hand, to his wrist, thumb against his suddenly-racing pulse. his other hand drops away from his eyes, surprise making his breath hiccup once in his chest as he takes in the younger man gazing at him. spock is blushing, and oh, god, this is so dangerous.
a better, stronger man would disengage, would gently end the evening, reassert some boundaries. after all, spock is lonely. they're both lonely. jim has a broken bond that keeps reaching for this younger version of his husband, and spock's never met anyone that understands him so thoroughly. jim has been too familiar with him, too close, too intimate. he doesn't belong in this time or this reality. he's confusing whatever spock and the younger jim kirk could be. he knows all this, and he sees it, but he also knows that he's not a better or a stronger man. ]
I-- [ his voice wavers, a lump in his throat as he stares into the younger man's flushed, earnest face. spock doesn't even have to open up the connection jim had shared with his older counterpart, jim can see in his expression what hearing that endearment had meant to him. there's something electric in the curl of his strong fingers, in his dark, intense gaze. ]
You should feel offended, [ he finishes a little weakly, conviction noticeably missing from his voice. the truth is, though spock will always in jim's eyes be his husband, but younger, and the comparisons are impossible to avoid.. he's also very simply himself. and the longer that jim is here, the more of this spock's uniqueness he notices, he likes. he's even, shamefully, felt his thoughts drift toward him on long, sleepless nights; nights when he misses his bondmate's warmth at his back, his breath against his nape, the weight of his arm over his waist.
another breath shudders out of him, and he turns his wrist beneath spock's hand, fingertips dragging along his palm as he pulls back, then slides his fingers between the younger man's. ]
:) you have let me out of my self-imposed prison and now you will suffer
[ for a long moment, spock searches jim's expression. watches him, watches his reactions, feels the jumbled emotions drag across his nerves through the transference from just this touch alone.
had jim said any of those things aloud, spock would have mild but somehow deadpan answers to them. a big one certainly being the simplest: from the very moment admiral kirk ended up in this particular timeline, the course of it had begun to change. there is no knowing, now, where things will go, because this has never happened before.
kaiidth, he might say, if he were feeling particularly insistent. we are where and when we are meant to be.
but jim doesn't say any of those things aloud. instead he tells spock to be offended, that he should be, and to that spock finds himself able to actually breathe out what counts as a full laugh, from him. ]
You are well aware, [ he says, tone arch despite the flush still on his cheeks, his ears, ] that I am uniquely unsuited to doing what I should.
[ but then jim's hand is turning against his, and it's spock's breath that shudders quietly this time as jim's fingers drag along his palm so, so much more intimately than he ever has before, when he threads their fingers in a manner that he knows they're both aware would be uniquely obscene if anyone were to see it—
—he shivers, unable to help himself, and leans closer. ]
I do not wish to be offended, and so I will not be.
[ spock's breath hitches, as he'd known it would. it's illicit, the slide of their fingers together, deliberate, shockingly, breathtakingly intimate. jim knows to slide his thumb along the side of spock's, then drag over his mount-of-venus. he holds his gaze as he does so, heart fluttering unsteadily as spock leans in closer. ]
It's one of many qualities that will make you an incredible but deeply frustrating first officer, [ jim agrees with a sigh that's gentle, that's helpless in its adoration. ] Not to mention a stubborn bastard of a bondmate. [ god, he shouldn't say that. spock isn't his husband, but jim doesn't want to think about him bonding with anyone else, either.
his free hand sets his glass aside, then lifts, curling against the hot-flushed curve of spock's pointed ear, then gliding down to cup the side of his neck. heat prickles along his own skin at the familiarity of it, echoes of a hundred times, a thousand times before, the memory of a hand on his hip or his waist or his ribs, splayed against his back, curled around his bicep. fingertips against his face, mind-to-mind. a hundred-thousand times spock has touched him in the halls of the enterprise or on some new planet or in one of their bedrooms, in their beds, skin-to-skin.
he tries. he really tries to push it all back down, to make this only the present, only jim and this moment, this spock, but it's impossible. spock is spock is spock, all the things that make them the same and all the things that make them unique, and he aches with the months of trying to pretend he doesn't feel just like him, that heart and mind and soul don't yearn in their entirety. every inch of him has been telling him that this man is his husband, his bondmate, t'hy'la, even though it feels disrespectful to both of them to believe it. ]
Spock-- [ heat pricks at his eyes, grief and desire and love and pain, and he squeezes them shut. this can't be casual or experimental or some kind of fling for him, and he knows that spock knows that, wouldn't still be here encouraging this if it wasn't important to him, too.
it's that thought alone that allows him to open his eyes again, lean forward, and kiss him. ]
[ honestly, the sight of two spocks next to each other in identical parade rests, both clearly full of the vulcan version of incandescent anger, is probably kind of unsettling. doubly so when one is your first officer and the other is your romantic partner. despite their slight differences in appearance, it's still, well, uncanny.
probably worse that they've been in quiet discussion until jim turns his attention to spock, who finally, finally blinks and inclines his head slightly in acknowledgement. ]
It is fortunate that you have received treatment for your injuries in a timely manner.
[Jim's mouth twists in annoyance to see his boyfriend and XO conspiring together because he's Not sorry about how this went down, is the thing. He did everything Right and none of the researchers they rescued were hurt beyond minor bumps and bruises.]
It's not as bad as it looks.
[Jim tries at first, only for Bones to snort derisively over his shoulder.]
I'll be the judge of that, Jim. Now hold still for god's sake.
[He's cutting away Jim's shirt the rest of the way so they can start inspecting his lacerations for foreign material as well. Gonna have to clean this out Real good before they take a dermagen to him or he's liable to get an infection.]
I could have taken it off, Bones...
[Jim's sigh is Loud and Put Upon. This is some Bullshit.]
In approximately 82.15% of instances where you utilize that phrase, you are incorrect in your assessment.
[ but the set of spock's shoulders is a little looser, a little less like a spring wound so tight it's about to snap. he does not sigh in return; vulcans do not sigh. he listens to some final commentary from the commander before he's left to be the spock who takes care of the situation; now that doctor mccoy is tending to jim, it's easier for his counterpart to allow the switch. spock understands the sentiment.
once it's deemed appropriate, spock steps forward, close to where jim sits on the biobed but still out of the way, and looks at him very quietly for a moment. ]
You are fortunate your injuries are not more severe. For that, I am glad.
[ not satisfied, not gratified. glad, the use of the word pointed in its emotive nature. ]
The percentage isn't that high. 68% tops....these days.
[The medicine's starting to kick in, and Jim struggles to hold onto his thoughts. Struggles, but manages. For the moment at least.]
I saw how bad it. It coulda been down there. Trust me. This isn't that bad.
[Having to focus so much on keeping his eyes on Spock and speaking means he's too focused to fight Bones while the man preps Jim for cleaning out the wound. Every now and then he gives a faint hiss of pain, but doesn't flinch much at all.]
R...reason I was mouthing off. [A limp, half hearted gesture toward the door.] To Spock, I mean. Sometimes I get so damn mad when you lot act like I'm the same...as I was Before.
[ spock does not answer. not for a moment, at least: after working quickly while jim is distracted, doctor mccoy is satisfied with the treatment and that spock will 'take it from here' and lets them be, which is when spock lifts a hand to trail his fingers through jim's hair, careful not to touch his psi-points for needless transfer when he's medicated and physically exhausted. ]
It is not that you are the 'same as before.' [ quietly. he stands in the vee of jim's legs where he sits, and he keeps slowly, methodically touching his hair, granting a measure of soothing through the contact. ] Just because it could have been worse does not make what did happen negligible or not something to express concern over or in fact discuss. He and I both acknowledge and appreciate that you have made adjustments to your behavior that have had a positive effect on your physical well-being both on and off missions.
[ this time, he does let the side of his thumb brush along jim's temple. brief, with a flutter of affection but also undisguised worry. ]
However, I did not appreciate that even after being told by my counterpart what had happened, you voiced displeasure that I had been informed at all.
[ he pauses here, trying to consider his words even more carefully than usual. ]
Despite our mission of peace, we often find ourselves in dangerous spaces and hazardous situations. I do not think it is unwarranted to be concerned in these times. I also do not think it is unreasonable to expect to be informed promptly, if possible, should anything detrimental occur. [ when he continues, it's quieter. even more subdued, if possible. ] There may come a time when such a message is 'put off' for later, and the chance to send one does not occur again. This is in part why I have also attempted to alter my behavior when it comes to open communication. It is my failing for not indicating my desire for the same in return when I responded to your request.
[ it feels as though the time between seeing one another has been too long, as it always does. but also spock has to be grateful for what they get. so many who are posted separately from their partners see each other even more rarely, months instead of weeks in person, days between messages instead of hours.
there also is the perk of surprising one another. both crews are used to seeing alternate versions of people they know by now so it really is simple to make the visit after a relatively routine mission. he arrives and passes nyota in the corridor; she gives him a look he still can't quite place and teases him for showing up windswept and ruffled and he shoots her a response that makes her laugh and pat his arm through his sleeve as she continues to her destination.
because chilly and windy but not sub-zero weather on the new m-class his current scientific surveys have been focused on has spock in his winter uniform, regulation leather jacket unzipped now that the temperature is controlled and hair mussed from the elements. free time before he has to return to his station is as good a reason as any to surprise jim in his office, and though he notes the sense of frustration and overworked annoyance from out in the halls, it just makes him more determined to make sure jim takes a break.
he knocks once before stepping into the office, letting the door swish shut behind him before he speaks. ]
I find myself with an excess of free time and desired to make best use of it by visiting you while I have the opportunity. I hope I am not interrupting your work.
[There is no restriction on transport to the Enterprise from the signature of her sister ship, and so Spock is welcomed over by the transport officer on duty as he always is. Greeted as though he were one of her crew by those he passes by even if most are more brief than Nyota's halt and friendly small talk.
And if Nyota is going to go wander on up to inform the CO that Jim is going to be indisposed for the forseeable future despite his not comming up to say as much, well. That's her business. Good for Spock in showing up to coerce his fiancé into taking a break.
Not that Jim knows that himself even, yet. He's up to his goddamn eyeballs in conflicting reports trying to sort through a diplomatic kerfuffle ahead of their approach to the colony. He's been at it for the better part of the day and the desire to just bin every single one of the PADDs is growing by the minute. Truthfully he's about a quarter of an hour away from getting up on his own to go wander down into engineering to find something solid he can put his hands to. Get some sort of satisfaction in a problem he can actually fix.
He's not expecting the knock at his door but he calls in for them to enter. His gaze is marking his spot in each of the documents he's pouring over but he jerks his head up the moment Spock opens his mouth. Surprised, and then--shocked into absolute silence while he perishes on the spot.
What is Spock wearing? Leather jacket?? Fitted gloves???? Ruffled hair????? Excuse him while he reboots promptly He hasn't heard a damn word Spock's said.]
Spock..?!
[Well, he's clearly Happy to see the other but that shock isn't going to last for long. Congratulations, you broke your bondmate.]
[ spock waits patiently for jim to reboot, though he does a quick blink-and-reset of his own because why jim needs the moment in the first place is lost to him. for now, he has no reason to suspect that his physical appearance is causing it, so he tilts his head in clear curiosity. ]
Yes, it is I, Spock.
[ with the low, base incredulity he wears so well whenever jim says something very, very perplexing. ]
[When Jim moves it's all at once, his gaze never leaving Spock for an instant. There's the scrape of his chair against the floor, the thud of his hands both pushing back against the desk so suddenly he sloshes a bit of his decaf over the rim of his mug without noticing even a little bit.
He circles around from behind the desk in a couple long strides. Expression unreadable but intent.
Jim's fingers brush against the door controls to lock them milliseconds before his other hand fists into Spock's shirt beneath his leather jacket and shoves him up against the now-locked door. He follows in the same movement, crowding up against his younger bondmate. Rocking right up onto the balls of his feet so he can press a searing kiss onto Spock's big dumb face right this second.
He will not be taking questions or criticisms at this time verbally.]
[ the thought that spock might question or criticize verbally at this time is absolute nonsense. he spends the period while jim moves staring back at him, watching unblinkingly, and as soon as jim's fingers brush the door panel, spock realizes.
the time between that and jim's next actions is insufficient for spock to brace himself for the impact but he finds it difficult to care about that when jim's in his space, pressed against him, kissing him with so much need that the heightened transference jim always exudes is completely unnecessary for spock to understand the assignment, as it were.
no more encouragement is needed for spock to press into the kiss and match jim's want, to plant a hand at his nape and hold him there, the leather of his gloves cool in comparison to the usual heat of his touch, while the other grips at his waist and yanks him closer. if this is how jim desires to spend this part of their reunion, spock has no complaints.
(and if he enjoys being the one pressed bodily against a flat surface this time, who could blame him?) ]
[ to say spock is pleased to have jim present for this event is a vast understatement. not only it is a testament to the fact that he can be present, that they continue to be able to see one another in person despite having both thought it would only happen once, but it means that spock doesn't have to enlist the assistance of the rest of the crew for plus-one events such as these, which have never suited him well to begin with.
it means that they can get ready together in spock's temporary quarters on the station, jim looking even more dashing than usual in spock's reality's command dress uniform, and spock's hands can brush nonexistent lint off of the other man's shoulders while they stand near the door putting on final touches. ]
I admit to taking some measure of satisfaction from seeing you in this uniform.
[ low and measured but a little heavy at the edge of it, meaningful. then he takes a single step back, returning to his normal parade rest, and nods decisively. ]
The party will last until 2230, after which we will be free to spend time as we choose until you must return to your own posting.
[It's been a wild few weeks, but not in a bad way necessarily. Since being the last person to find out that he and Spock are dating and have been, little by little Jim's been settling in to his new Normal. He likes it, Jim's found. Likes the idea that he doesn't need an Excuse to message Spock when he gets up for Alpha. To check in on him.
Then there's the all important event.
Jim flashes Spock a grin as he's fussed over by the other.]
Used to brag back at the Academy I could make Anything look good. Glad to see it's still true even now.
[He reaches up to boop Spock on the tip of his nose gently.]
Anytime you get too self conscious about the whole couples thing, just remember you've only gotta make it to 2230 and then you can drag me off and enjoy every aspect of me in or out of this attire as much as you want. Okay?
[Jim ought to be telling Himself that as much as Spock. It Feels Significant to be arm in arm with Spock, being introduced as the Lieutenant's bondmate for this event. Having cocked up the invitation for this already, Jim really wants to impress out there tonight.]
I fail to understand why that sentiment would have changed between then and now.
[ a joke, maybe. an idle tease, in spock's own way, even as he raises his eyebrows in response to the 'boop.' ]
Indeed. We will both be able to enjoy that time together. It would be agreeable should the event itself be pleasant as well, however.
[ before they exit the room, spock leans in to steal a soft but lingering kiss from jim's mouth, then urges himself to relax and turns to the door. ]
Should it not be, the promise of afterward will suffice as incentive. I am ready. [ unfortunately. ] I have also made note of what menu options are certain to be safe for your consumption tonight.
[Regular meals, a job that about two-thirds of the time is paperwork oriented, and just plain aging have made him a lot softer and heavier than back then. Jim's quietly grateful that it doesn't appear to have had a bad impact on his looks much given how much Spock loves to get him out of his clothes on a regular basis.
More importantly, who gave Spock the right to be this damn cute and drop-dead gorgeous at the same time? Jim grins.]
Here's hoping. Maybe we can find some half decent company and pass the time chatting up just a few folks about anything interesting. And if not, well. Right. There's After.
[Eyebrow waggle. But not a big one!]
Lead the way.
[Jim's a little bit disappointed that this isn't taking place on Spock's Enterprise because so far Jim hasn't been allowed to see any more of that then from the transport room to Spock's quarters. His presence aboard the ship is still pretty classified until either side really knows how the hell this works.
At the same time, having the event take place on a station Jim's never been to means he's less likely to take a wrong turn because muscle memory took over. It's beyond Weird to walk arm in arm with Spock, still. Weird but. Good-weird. The kind that makes Jim feel like he shouldn't breathe lest the moment slips away from him.]
So why'd You specifically get roped into this anyway? Enterprise's a big ship. Surely there were Easier couples to pull for this. Not that I'm complaining, mind. But don't think I failed to notice.
Age has little to do with "making anything look good."
[ pointed. either way, spock does and will continue to find jim attractive as time passes and he ages further, to say nothing of how little he objects to jim's softness. so long as jim is happy and healthy, spock is happy with him. he understands being self-conscious, even if his own issues have nothing to do with those aspects, and tries, at least, to take such things into account.
in any case, spock notes the brow waggle, tilts his head in mock innocence in return, and they head out.
the station is a good space for the gathering: it means that if things get to be too too much, spock can request to leave entirely and they can reboard the ship. however, he's relaxed (for him) as they walk the corridors to the event hall the party's being held in, and he glances over at their linked arms, then over to jim's face before he answers the question. ]
It is relevant to my fields of study, and as the chief science officer, I deemed it appropriate to make an appearance. I am gratified to be able to attend with you as a consequence.
[ the doors slide open as they approach and there are enough people already present for spock and jim to make a quiet, mostly unnoticed entrance for now. spock's grateful for that, too, so that he can get his bearings in the social space. ]
I will likely be—
[ he doesn't get to finish his sentence, because you know what happens next? A Guy Shows Up. a super megahot vulcan babe, actually, who is clearly zeroing in on spock in particular in a typically vulcan intense way for his greeting.
spock blinks, clearly taken slightly aback, and before he responds, he says: ]
Jim, this is V'Raht, a scientist with whom I collaborated relatively recently on a paper regarding reintroducing pollenators to inhospitable biomes. V'Raht, this is Jim Kirk, my partner.
[ which is not how spock would like to introduce him, but it had been decided early that while things are still nebulous around jim, it's the title with the most plausible deniability should anyone confuse the two jims.
in general, spock likes to remain private about these kinds of things anyway, but he's trying his best to meet in the middle in regards to relationship secrecy and frankly, he hopes it will keep others from bothering him. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
@finalfrontiersman
they are often, to use a human phrase, 'neck-and-neck' in grades, with one or the other eking in front before being overtaken again. it drives spock up the wall, to use another human phrase. he is unused to being anything less than the absolute best since arriving at the academy: he struggled to an extent in his schooling on vulcan, but by the time he left to join starfleet he had been far past the days where he felt like a disappointment.
starfleet academy has been far more diverse, far more engaging, and far more accepting. spock does not think he will ever feel fully comfortable with who and what he is but that is the nature of existing in a liminal space: he is the product of two worlds and thus will never fully belong in either. he must be resigned to that.
in the academy, he is allowed to simply be spock. not an image, not a poster child, not an experiment.
and currently, being spock is being only 3 points ahead of kirk in the grading of the class they are currently in. they have been paired together for a project, which is both an annoyance and a boon: their grades will be tied together so there is no way kirk can surpass him, but it also means he must swallow a measure of his pride to work with him.
none of this is to say he dislikes kirk: on the contrary, he finds the man fascinating. however, this does not mean it is acceptable to allow him to overtake spock academically.
they are, at the moment, seated across from one another in the library. spock has a padd in front of him on which he has taken copious notes. he is also looking at kirk with a vague air of confusion. ]
Please explain your reasoning for picking that particular topic to cover.
no subject
He can admit he's enjoying their little academic rivalry - and, perhaps, encouraging it to a certain degree. A healthy amount, Jim would argue. What? He'd hate for Spock to get bored. But it's not an unfriendly competition - okay, sometimes it's hard to tell whether it is or it isn't on Spock's end, but it definitely isn't on Jim's end, and he's 90% sure it isn't contentious on Spock's. 80%. Okay, 75% on a bad day.
It's true that Jim likes to tease - likes to pull pigtails and be contrary, but never, ultimately, that difficult. Is it his fault the furrow Spock gets in his brow whenever Jim's papers fall just behind Spock's on the grand total grading rubric (or, on occasion, just ahead, though Spock doesn't let him hold those records for too long, usually) is delightful to behold?
Shh, listen, Jim doesn't know what anyone may or may not have heard, but it's not his fault he's giving Spock a run for his credits. The truth is, Jim enjoys it. Genuinely, he does. They're both accustomed to the top, it seems, and maybe Jim likes that he's always a step or so behind Spock, threatening to catch up, unwilling to let Spock have the comfortable lead on his peers he's expecting. Jim enjoys the way Spock keeps him on his toes, the way Spock actually has him trying in PHYS400, a course on Warp Theory and Postwarp Theory in the Science track Jim was auditing as an elected supplement to his ASTRG103 class, for his Command track Astrogation qualification.
He really does find Postwarp Theory interesting, but maybe it was worth it just to see Spock's face when Jim strolled into a Science track class he didn't even need to take. It's not strictly necessary for what he's trying to achieve, it's true, but Spock's presence in the class has Jim actively ensuring he's ahead on his reading.
Not that he took the class for Spock. That would be ludicrous, what with his ridiculous schedule, trying to pack six years of classes into three. They were already in multiple other classes together - Jim's just committed to the bit, that's all.
Don't worry about it.Jim probably should have seen the partnership coming, given that between the two of them, they were already pushing DIPL200 up an extraordinary amount on Lt. Commander Sofak's grading curve. Word must have gotten around, because Jim's never been assigned a partner before. Does that make this all the more amusing? Maybe. Don't tell Spock.
Jim's sitting across from Spock, feet kicked up on one chair, allowing him to push back onto two of four legs in the chair he's actually sitting in, rocking absently back and forth. His notes are a mixture of one Starfleet-issue padd, one nightmare fuel bootleg padd with a crack in the screen that Jim's clearly bastardized for whatever it is he's doing with it, and a physical notebook with cramped chickenscratch writing - Jim prefers to do his math by hand, sometimes, and the pages are littered with numbers, from all directions, as though Jim just grabs the paper anytime he's trying to work something out, and it hardly matters whether the notebook is upside down or not when he grabs it.
Jim's not paying attention to any of it, though, because he's busy trying to catch popcorn in his mouth, flipping kernels up in the air with expert flicks of his thumb, answering without looking at his classmate. ] Come on, Spock. You know optimizing matter recycling is the key to enabling deeper space missions.
[ Is that what the topic is about? Ignore Jim - Spock's confusion is understandable, given that the top of the three-page proposal Jim emailed to him for their essay topic reads Hooked On Hydroponics: They're A-Maizeing!
...alright, maybe the title is still a work in progress, but the rest of the proposal is sound.
Jim misses a piece of popcorn, tipping his chair back dangerously to try and catch it - the legs teeter, threatening to dump him on the floor, but his equilibrium holds. ]
no subject
however, that just means he does not know what kirk is being.
other than the only person able to make his coursework more engaging as he adds an actual measure of competition to it that simply does not exist among their other classmates.
and despite the fact that spock dislikes the lack of respect with which kirk is treating the furniture, his eyes darting with at least a small measure of judgement to the way the chair he sits in is tilted, the manner in which he takes his notes and does his work is just as fascinating as the man himself. spock has his own habit of hand-written notes, though he has not included them today. generally it is saved for his personal projects, which he is not in the habit of sharing until he has concrete results and may submit a paper including the data.
the popcorn antics, however, are their own entity and spock genuinely hates that part, unable to keep his gaze from following the kernal that kirk drops on its journey to the floor before he slowly drags his attention back toward kirk himself, openly expectant.
when he speaks, his tone is dry. however, there does in fact still exist a small percentage of befuddlement in it. ]
I am aware of this fact. Allow me to clarify. Are the puns an important enduring aspect of your work process?
no subject
[ It might sound like a joke, especially when combined with the amused twist to Jim's mouth, but when he drops all four legs of the chair back to the floor, the energy shift to something far more engaged is apparent. Jim fixes Spock with an intent look, passion and intelligence working in concert behind blue eyes. ] A paper isn't just about facts, it's an opportunity to make the person reading it care about what you're saying. The pun is a hook, something to make us stand out at a glance. Mnemonics have a proven increase in learning and recall by roughly 20% in humans.
[ Jim opens his hand, the popcorn kernel sitting on the flat of his palm. He picks it up with the other, holding it up to eye level. ] Remarkable, isn't it? Federation's most renewable resource. This baby is used as raw fuel for so many things, including replicators - so, most of our food and material supply - produced en masse right here on Earth. It's easy to grow, stupidly easy to replenish, and ecologically-friendly.
[ Jim turns the popped kernel to the side, as if to examine every angle of it. ] Now imagine what we could do if we were able to streamline hydroponic production of this bad boy for deep space travel. How far we could go, Spock! Uncharted space!
[ Jim pops the kernel into his mouth, reaching over with the other hand - the one holding the bag of popcorn he's been munching on - offering it to Spock with a cheeky grin. The reason for it becomes obvious a moment later when he says (sounding unreasonably pleased with himself): ] A-maize-ing, right?
no subject
however, to his credit, he does listen to kirk's entire spiel, though his eyebrows slowly raise so high they almost fully disappear into his bangs, which is impressive because he's already got those like, cunty super short bangs going? point is, they're WAY up there.
however, the fact (because it is a fact) about mnemonics does get his hackles down slightly. it's true, and he does need to take that into account, though he still finds himself saying— ]
—I find it remarkable that anything more than the facts would be required to make someone 'care' about the subject if they are presented in a concise, enlightening manner.
[ other than that though, he doesn't speak until the very end. unfortunately for kirk's self-satisfaction, the pun just gets a blank look. not even a twitch of the corner of his mouth. cold.
he does, at least, politely incline his head in appreciation for the offer of popcorn, though even the thought of touching something, say, buttery, with his bare hands, and not having a way to wash said hands afterward, is enough to make him have no desire to eat any of it whatsoever.
THAT SAID, kirk's reasonings are sound and his arguments well-grounded. the facts of the subject matter are clear and will prove both interesting and beneficial to delve into and cover. ]
I still would not use that term, but I am intrigued by the practical applications you mention.
points to eyes points to u
it's not intentional, just the clear habit of long years together with the spock he'd known and loved. they'd been married, he'd admitted eventually, months ago, after one too many glasses of whiskey, as if it hadn't already been obvious. but it had hurt to say, hurt to think about, and he hadn't wanted to put any kind of pressure or expectation on spock. this spock and jim kirk, he'd said, had to make their own decisions about their own relationship, whatever it would or wouldn't be.
the enterprise is back for repairs, and since jim himself is back on earth after another tiresome diplomatic mission, well, it had seemed only natural to catch up with chris and the others, and then invite spock to dinner. it's not unusual for them, particularly now that jim knows spock finds it easier to talk to him, but it has been months since they've been in the same room together like this.
and now? after dinner, jim sits curled comfortably on his couch, nursing a glass of his favorite whiskey in his lap, whole body turned toward spock as he explains the particulars of his latest research project. the moment's soft and familiar and intimate-- or, rather, there are echoes of intimacy. another time, another spock. they would have been closer, even, than they are now. spock's knee would be brushing his, his fingertips sliding between jim's own, that corner of his mouth quirking the way it only ever does for jim. ]
Ashayam, I like where you're going with this, but I genuinely don't think you're going to convince Dr. Whelk to send you her data, and I'm not young enough to try batting my eyelashes at her anymore.
[ several seconds pass before he realizes what he's said, and he immediately winces, the haze of familiarity clearing up like a splash of cold water. he reaches up, pinching the bridge of his nose. ] God, I'm sorry, Spock. That was-- I don't know why I said that. [ no, that's not completely true. after the better part of a year here, it's hard not to.. feel.. things, however inappropriate they might be. ]
he's dead jim.....................
—there is absolutely nothing wrong with the jim kirk who is nearer spock's age, the jim kirk who so very recently had introduced himself with a handshake, of all things. however, spock finds interacting with admiral kirk to be, yes, easier. it is easier to share things that would feel like unconscionable secrets with a jim who knows him so fully already, who spock is aware knows every horrible, unlovable part of him and still looks at him with such fondness that more than once spock has felt overwhelmed simply from that.
spock had his own admission to jim months prior: he is lonely in the wake of losing both t'pring and christine for differing reasons, both of which feel like his fault (even though one is and the other is not, spock is only ever truly unkind to himself in these matters). he feels not enough. but spock has never not been enough for jim kirk, despite not being the bondmate he had clearly lost.
he finds that he misses jim most of all even though their partings are only ever temporary, even though he is always just a message away. that should frighten him. he should excise the feelings, stop trying to be for jim what he had lost. he should focus, should keep things to the human definition of friend, but he finds he cannot.
he wonders, often, if he's obvious or if jim simply feels it's a matter of course because it's what he's used to. jim is equal parts easy to read and impossible to decipher. but moments like this, when they can meet in person again, can sit together and discuss things like this that show spock every corner of jim's brilliant mind, one of the most attractive things about him if he's quite honest.
he is, briefly, distracted from the conversation. a fleeting, unbidden thought that he finds more and more difficult to suppress each time they're together. distracted just long enough that ashayam hits him like a blow as he starts piecing together his response about the data in his head and his eyes widen slightly, spine going rail straight as he feels his face heating up, going green from the neck to the tips of his ears. his heart beats faster in his side, he knows it was just reflexive on jim's part, an echo of the husband he lost, but for spock—
for spock, it's too late. jim's voice forming the word has nestled in his head, in his heart, and a vulcan's unique combination of both eidetic memory and hyperthymesia means he'll never, ever forget what it sounds like.
it takes him long enough to school his expression that jim has already started to apologize.
spock realizes, all at once, that if he doesn't do this, he likely never will.
so he reaches out, fingers grazing jim's knee, then along the side of his hand. purposeful, as he tilts his head just enough to catch the admiral's gaze. he is, unfortunately, fully aware that his cheeks are still stained green, but it's too late. it doesn't matter. his thumb brushes the line of jim's wrist. ]
Apology is unnecessary when offense has not been taken, Jim.
[ uncharacteristically, he feels himself starting to hold his breath before he forces himself to keep his respiration even. ]
I'M dead, jim
a better, stronger man would disengage, would gently end the evening, reassert some boundaries. after all, spock is lonely. they're both lonely. jim has a broken bond that keeps reaching for this younger version of his husband, and spock's never met anyone that understands him so thoroughly. jim has been too familiar with him, too close, too intimate. he doesn't belong in this time or this reality. he's confusing whatever spock and the younger jim kirk could be. he knows all this, and he sees it, but he also knows that he's not a better or a stronger man. ]
I-- [ his voice wavers, a lump in his throat as he stares into the younger man's flushed, earnest face. spock doesn't even have to open up the connection jim had shared with his older counterpart, jim can see in his expression what hearing that endearment had meant to him. there's something electric in the curl of his strong fingers, in his dark, intense gaze. ]
You should feel offended, [ he finishes a little weakly, conviction noticeably missing from his voice. the truth is, though spock will always in jim's eyes be his husband, but younger, and the comparisons are impossible to avoid.. he's also very simply himself. and the longer that jim is here, the more of this spock's uniqueness he notices, he likes. he's even, shamefully, felt his thoughts drift toward him on long, sleepless nights; nights when he misses his bondmate's warmth at his back, his breath against his nape, the weight of his arm over his waist.
another breath shudders out of him, and he turns his wrist beneath spock's hand, fingertips dragging along his palm as he pulls back, then slides his fingers between the younger man's. ]
:) you have let me out of my self-imposed prison and now you will suffer
had jim said any of those things aloud, spock would have mild but somehow deadpan answers to them. a big one certainly being the simplest: from the very moment admiral kirk ended up in this particular timeline, the course of it had begun to change. there is no knowing, now, where things will go, because this has never happened before.
kaiidth, he might say, if he were feeling particularly insistent. we are where and when we are meant to be.
but jim doesn't say any of those things aloud. instead he tells spock to be offended, that he should be, and to that spock finds himself able to actually breathe out what counts as a full laugh, from him. ]
You are well aware, [ he says, tone arch despite the flush still on his cheeks, his ears, ] that I am uniquely unsuited to doing what I should.
[ but then jim's hand is turning against his, and it's spock's breath that shudders quietly this time as jim's fingers drag along his palm so, so much more intimately than he ever has before, when he threads their fingers in a manner that he knows they're both aware would be uniquely obscene if anyone were to see it—
—he shivers, unable to help himself, and leans closer. ]
I do not wish to be offended, and so I will not be.
joke's on you, i'm a masochist
It's one of many qualities that will make you an incredible but deeply frustrating first officer, [ jim agrees with a sigh that's gentle, that's helpless in its adoration. ] Not to mention a stubborn bastard of a bondmate. [ god, he shouldn't say that. spock isn't his husband, but jim doesn't want to think about him bonding with anyone else, either.
his free hand sets his glass aside, then lifts, curling against the hot-flushed curve of spock's pointed ear, then gliding down to cup the side of his neck. heat prickles along his own skin at the familiarity of it, echoes of a hundred times, a thousand times before, the memory of a hand on his hip or his waist or his ribs, splayed against his back, curled around his bicep. fingertips against his face, mind-to-mind. a hundred-thousand times spock has touched him in the halls of the enterprise or on some new planet or in one of their bedrooms, in their beds, skin-to-skin.
he tries. he really tries to push it all back down, to make this only the present, only jim and this moment, this spock, but it's impossible. spock is spock is spock, all the things that make them the same and all the things that make them unique, and he aches with the months of trying to pretend he doesn't feel just like him, that heart and mind and soul don't yearn in their entirety. every inch of him has been telling him that this man is his husband, his bondmate, t'hy'la, even though it feels disrespectful to both of them to believe it. ]
Spock-- [ heat pricks at his eyes, grief and desire and love and pain, and he squeezes them shut. this can't be casual or experimental or some kind of fling for him, and he knows that spock knows that, wouldn't still be here encouraging this if it wasn't important to him, too.
it's that thought alone that allows him to open his eyes again, lean forward, and kiss him. ]
we are the same
(no subject)
(no subject)
@smartass_captain
[ honestly, the sight of two spocks next to each other in identical parade rests, both clearly full of the vulcan version of incandescent anger, is probably kind of unsettling. doubly so when one is your first officer and the other is your romantic partner. despite their slight differences in appearance, it's still, well, uncanny.
probably worse that they've been in quiet discussion until jim turns his attention to spock, who finally, finally blinks and inclines his head slightly in acknowledgement. ]
It is fortunate that you have received treatment for your injuries in a timely manner.
[ a little stiff, though. just. just a little. ]
no subject
It's not as bad as it looks.
[Jim tries at first, only for Bones to snort derisively over his shoulder.]
I'll be the judge of that, Jim. Now hold still for god's sake.
[He's cutting away Jim's shirt the rest of the way so they can start inspecting his lacerations for foreign material as well. Gonna have to clean this out Real good before they take a dermagen to him or he's liable to get an infection.]
I could have taken it off, Bones...
[Jim's sigh is Loud and Put Upon. This is some Bullshit.]
pulls a shade down over the date on this
[ but the set of spock's shoulders is a little looser, a little less like a spring wound so tight it's about to snap. he does not sigh in return; vulcans do not sigh. he listens to some final commentary from the commander before he's left to be the spock who takes care of the situation; now that doctor mccoy is tending to jim, it's easier for his counterpart to allow the switch. spock understands the sentiment.
once it's deemed appropriate, spock steps forward, close to where jim sits on the biobed but still out of the way, and looks at him very quietly for a moment. ]
You are fortunate your injuries are not more severe. For that, I am glad.
[ not satisfied, not gratified. glad, the use of the word pointed in its emotive nature. ]
I see nothing
[The medicine's starting to kick in, and Jim struggles to hold onto his thoughts. Struggles, but manages. For the moment at least.]
I saw how bad it. It coulda been down there. Trust me. This isn't that bad.
[Having to focus so much on keeping his eyes on Spock and speaking means he's too focused to fight Bones while the man preps Jim for cleaning out the wound. Every now and then he gives a faint hiss of pain, but doesn't flinch much at all.]
R...reason I was mouthing off. [A limp, half hearted gesture toward the door.] To Spock, I mean. Sometimes I get so damn mad when you lot act like I'm the same...as I was Before.
no subject
It is not that you are the 'same as before.' [ quietly. he stands in the vee of jim's legs where he sits, and he keeps slowly, methodically touching his hair, granting a measure of soothing through the contact. ] Just because it could have been worse does not make what did happen negligible or not something to express concern over or in fact discuss. He and I both acknowledge and appreciate that you have made adjustments to your behavior that have had a positive effect on your physical well-being both on and off missions.
[ this time, he does let the side of his thumb brush along jim's temple. brief, with a flutter of affection but also undisguised worry. ]
However, I did not appreciate that even after being told by my counterpart what had happened, you voiced displeasure that I had been informed at all.
[ he pauses here, trying to consider his words even more carefully than usual. ]
Despite our mission of peace, we often find ourselves in dangerous spaces and hazardous situations. I do not think it is unwarranted to be concerned in these times. I also do not think it is unreasonable to expect to be informed promptly, if possible, should anything detrimental occur. [ when he continues, it's quieter. even more subdued, if possible. ] There may come a time when such a message is 'put off' for later, and the chance to send one does not occur again. This is in part why I have also attempted to alter my behavior when it comes to open communication. It is my failing for not indicating my desire for the same in return when I responded to your request.
(no subject)
@smartass_captain
there also is the perk of surprising one another. both crews are used to seeing alternate versions of people they know by now so it really is simple to make the visit after a relatively routine mission. he arrives and passes nyota in the corridor; she gives him a look he still can't quite place and teases him for showing up windswept and ruffled and he shoots her a response that makes her laugh and pat his arm through his sleeve as she continues to her destination.
because chilly and windy but not sub-zero weather on the new m-class his current scientific surveys have been focused on has spock in his winter uniform, regulation leather jacket unzipped now that the temperature is controlled and hair mussed from the elements. free time before he has to return to his station is as good a reason as any to surprise jim in his office, and though he notes the sense of frustration and overworked annoyance from out in the halls, it just makes him more determined to make sure jim takes a break.
he knocks once before stepping into the office, letting the door swish shut behind him before he speaks. ]
I find myself with an excess of free time and desired to make best use of it by visiting you while I have the opportunity. I hope I am not interrupting your work.
no subject
And if Nyota is going to go wander on up to inform the CO that Jim is going to be indisposed for the forseeable future despite his not comming up to say as much, well. That's her business. Good for Spock in showing up to coerce his fiancé into taking a break.
Not that Jim knows that himself even, yet. He's up to his goddamn eyeballs in conflicting reports trying to sort through a diplomatic kerfuffle ahead of their approach to the colony. He's been at it for the better part of the day and the desire to just bin every single one of the PADDs is growing by the minute. Truthfully he's about a quarter of an hour away from getting up on his own to go wander down into engineering to find something solid he can put his hands to. Get some sort of satisfaction in a problem he can actually fix.
He's not expecting the knock at his door but he calls in for them to enter. His gaze is marking his spot in each of the documents he's pouring over but he jerks his head up the moment Spock opens his mouth. Surprised, and then--shocked into absolute silence while he perishes on the spot.
What is Spock wearing? Leather jacket?? Fitted gloves???? Ruffled hair????? Excuse him while he reboots promptly He hasn't heard a damn word Spock's said.]
Spock..?!
[Well, he's clearly Happy to see the other but that shock isn't going to last for long. Congratulations, you broke your bondmate.]
no subject
Yes, it is I, Spock.
[ with the low, base incredulity he wears so well whenever jim says something very, very perplexing. ]
no subject
He circles around from behind the desk in a couple long strides. Expression unreadable but intent.
Jim's fingers brush against the door controls to lock them milliseconds before his other hand fists into Spock's shirt beneath his leather jacket and shoves him up against the now-locked door. He follows in the same movement, crowding up against his younger bondmate. Rocking right up onto the balls of his feet so he can press a searing kiss onto Spock's big dumb face right this second.
He will not be taking questions or criticisms at this time verbally.]
no subject
the time between that and jim's next actions is insufficient for spock to brace himself for the impact but he finds it difficult to care about that when jim's in his space, pressed against him, kissing him with so much need that the heightened transference jim always exudes is completely unnecessary for spock to understand the assignment, as it were.
no more encouragement is needed for spock to press into the kiss and match jim's want, to plant a hand at his nape and hold him there, the leather of his gloves cool in comparison to the usual heat of his touch, while the other grips at his waist and yanks him closer. if this is how jim desires to spend this part of their reunion, spock has no complaints.
(and if he enjoys being the one pressed bodily against a flat surface this time, who could blame him?) ]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
too flabbergasted by cursed foodstuffs to notice you replied, oops
understandable lmao
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
some nsfw since im home anyway lmao
don't know where you are - not wifi safe
@smartass_captain
it means that they can get ready together in spock's temporary quarters on the station, jim looking even more dashing than usual in spock's reality's command dress uniform, and spock's hands can brush nonexistent lint off of the other man's shoulders while they stand near the door putting on final touches. ]
I admit to taking some measure of satisfaction from seeing you in this uniform.
[ low and measured but a little heavy at the edge of it, meaningful. then he takes a single step back, returning to his normal parade rest, and nods decisively. ]
The party will last until 2230, after which we will be free to spend time as we choose until you must return to your own posting.
no subject
Then there's the all important event.
Jim flashes Spock a grin as he's fussed over by the other.]
Used to brag back at the Academy I could make Anything look good. Glad to see it's still true even now.
[He reaches up to boop Spock on the tip of his nose gently.]
Anytime you get too self conscious about the whole couples thing, just remember you've only gotta make it to 2230 and then you can drag me off and enjoy every aspect of me in or out of this attire as much as you want. Okay?
[Jim ought to be telling Himself that as much as Spock. It Feels Significant to be arm in arm with Spock, being introduced as the Lieutenant's bondmate for this event. Having cocked up the invitation for this already, Jim really wants to impress out there tonight.]
no subject
[ a joke, maybe. an idle tease, in spock's own way, even as he raises his eyebrows in response to the 'boop.' ]
Indeed. We will both be able to enjoy that time together. It would be agreeable should the event itself be pleasant as well, however.
[ before they exit the room, spock leans in to steal a soft but lingering kiss from jim's mouth, then urges himself to relax and turns to the door. ]
Should it not be, the promise of afterward will suffice as incentive. I am ready. [ unfortunately. ] I have also made note of what menu options are certain to be safe for your consumption tonight.
[ habit, by now, to ensure jim's safety. ]
If you are similarly prepared, we may go.
no subject
[Regular meals, a job that about two-thirds of the time is paperwork oriented, and just plain aging have made him a lot softer and heavier than back then. Jim's quietly grateful that it doesn't appear to have had a bad impact on his looks much given how much Spock loves to get him out of his clothes on a regular basis.
More importantly, who gave Spock the right to be this damn cute and drop-dead gorgeous at the same time? Jim grins.]
Here's hoping. Maybe we can find some half decent company and pass the time chatting up just a few folks about anything interesting. And if not, well. Right. There's After.
[Eyebrow waggle. But not a big one!]
Lead the way.
[Jim's a little bit disappointed that this isn't taking place on Spock's Enterprise because so far Jim hasn't been allowed to see any more of that then from the transport room to Spock's quarters. His presence aboard the ship is still pretty classified until either side really knows how the hell this works.
At the same time, having the event take place on a station Jim's never been to means he's less likely to take a wrong turn because muscle memory took over. It's beyond Weird to walk arm in arm with Spock, still. Weird but. Good-weird. The kind that makes Jim feel like he shouldn't breathe lest the moment slips away from him.]
So why'd You specifically get roped into this anyway? Enterprise's a big ship. Surely there were Easier couples to pull for this. Not that I'm complaining, mind. But don't think I failed to notice.
no subject
[ pointed. either way, spock does and will continue to find jim attractive as time passes and he ages further, to say nothing of how little he objects to jim's softness. so long as jim is happy and healthy, spock is happy with him. he understands being self-conscious, even if his own issues have nothing to do with those aspects, and tries, at least, to take such things into account.
in any case, spock notes the brow waggle, tilts his head in mock innocence in return, and they head out.
the station is a good space for the gathering: it means that if things get to be too too much, spock can request to leave entirely and they can reboard the ship. however, he's relaxed (for him) as they walk the corridors to the event hall the party's being held in, and he glances over at their linked arms, then over to jim's face before he answers the question. ]
It is relevant to my fields of study, and as the chief science officer, I deemed it appropriate to make an appearance. I am gratified to be able to attend with you as a consequence.
[ the doors slide open as they approach and there are enough people already present for spock and jim to make a quiet, mostly unnoticed entrance for now. spock's grateful for that, too, so that he can get his bearings in the social space. ]
I will likely be—
[ he doesn't get to finish his sentence, because you know what happens next? A Guy Shows Up. a super megahot vulcan babe, actually, who is clearly zeroing in on spock in particular in a typically vulcan intense way for his greeting.
spock blinks, clearly taken slightly aback, and before he responds, he says: ]
Jim, this is V'Raht, a scientist with whom I collaborated relatively recently on a paper regarding reintroducing pollenators to inhospitable biomes. V'Raht, this is Jim Kirk, my partner.
[ which is not how spock would like to introduce him, but it had been decided early that while things are still nebulous around jim, it's the title with the most plausible deniability should anyone confuse the two jims.
in general, spock likes to remain private about these kinds of things anyway, but he's trying his best to meet in the middle in regards to relationship secrecy and frankly, he hopes it will keep others from bothering him. ]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)