[Jim doesn't expect him to be hurt and it's not what he Wants to say, but until they're out somewhere private he doesn't feel like talking about it. An unease that doesn't entirely feel contained to him but that Jim doesn't fight either. Spock's fine. They're fine.
And the gardens are nice enough. Sigh.]
He wouldn't have gotten so haughty if I hadn't butted in, probably.
[Jim says. He lifts a hand to rub at the back of his neck.]
[ quiet, still low, and back to the calm warmth that spock holds for jim whenever they speak.
as for the rest of what jim says once they're alone, spock's brows briefly knit together before he turns toward the older man, his hand settling at his waist in a way at least a little proprietary. ]
His inability to honor the parameters set for him previously and subsequent inability to control his emotions and reactions are not something you are at fault for, Jim. To be blunt, it is not your problem that he could not handle rejection. [ a beat, and then: ] Even before the Montgomeries Scott were able to ensure the ability to physically inhabit the same space again, I was extremely clear with him that he was nothing more than a brief— [ what word to use? ] —Distraction.
[ from the palpable misery he'd been in knowing the person who shared his soul would be impossible to have. ]
I am aware that may reflect badly on me. I did not handle our separation well after we met in person.
[Oh, that's nice. These intimate touches that aren't sexual in nature have taken Jim a while to get used to. He doesn't jump this time for it at least. Getting used to just...casual affection. Someone who wants him for more than just a good lay.]
It doesn't. I was struggling, too. If I'd run into someone on station or...I could have easily done the same thing. We were in transit for most of the time though so I just.
[Jim shrugs a little. His expression carefully controlled to not give anything away. Spock knows better. But they're Out in Public so Jim's attempting to keep his dignity.]
You, too, were a near-constant in my thoughts. There were very few moments in which I was not thinking of you.
[ and usually because there was an emergency, or he'd finally managed to completely shut off during meditation. the latter never lasted long, however.
his voice is still quiet, as much a reassurance as jim's own words had been even as he takes a step closer, gently squeezing the older man's waist before seeking out one of his hands so as to hold it. this too, is chaste: he is seeking connection as a human would, the mutual comfort of touch. ]
I do not know the appropriate words to express how I feel other than to inform you that I am happy it is you here with me.
[ you, specifically, this particular jim kirk, this human man who has seen him and not found him lacking. who is aware of his failings and yet treats him this way.
his comment is, in essence, a lie. he knows the appropriate words. however, allowing himself that level of emotionality when things are so fresh between them seems rash, like jim might find him instead too much. too intense.
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no subject
[Jim doesn't expect him to be hurt and it's not what he Wants to say, but until they're out somewhere private he doesn't feel like talking about it. An unease that doesn't entirely feel contained to him but that Jim doesn't fight either. Spock's fine. They're fine.
And the gardens are nice enough. Sigh.]
He wouldn't have gotten so haughty if I hadn't butted in, probably.
[Jim says. He lifts a hand to rub at the back of his neck.]
So. That's on me, too.
no subject
[ quiet, still low, and back to the calm warmth that spock holds for jim whenever they speak.
as for the rest of what jim says once they're alone, spock's brows briefly knit together before he turns toward the older man, his hand settling at his waist in a way at least a little proprietary. ]
His inability to honor the parameters set for him previously and subsequent inability to control his emotions and reactions are not something you are at fault for, Jim. To be blunt, it is not your problem that he could not handle rejection. [ a beat, and then: ] Even before the Montgomeries Scott were able to ensure the ability to physically inhabit the same space again, I was extremely clear with him that he was nothing more than a brief— [ what word to use? ] —Distraction.
[ from the palpable misery he'd been in knowing the person who shared his soul would be impossible to have. ]
I am aware that may reflect badly on me. I did not handle our separation well after we met in person.
no subject
It doesn't. I was struggling, too. If I'd run into someone on station or...I could have easily done the same thing. We were in transit for most of the time though so I just.
[Jim shrugs a little. His expression carefully controlled to not give anything away. Spock knows better. But they're Out in Public so Jim's attempting to keep his dignity.]
I thought about you a Lot.
no subject
[ and usually because there was an emergency, or he'd finally managed to completely shut off during meditation. the latter never lasted long, however.
his voice is still quiet, as much a reassurance as jim's own words had been even as he takes a step closer, gently squeezing the older man's waist before seeking out one of his hands so as to hold it. this too, is chaste: he is seeking connection as a human would, the mutual comfort of touch. ]
I do not know the appropriate words to express how I feel other than to inform you that I am happy it is you here with me.
[ you, specifically, this particular jim kirk, this human man who has seen him and not found him lacking. who is aware of his failings and yet treats him this way.
his comment is, in essence, a lie. he knows the appropriate words. however, allowing himself that level of emotionality when things are so fresh between them seems rash, like jim might find him instead too much. too intense.
it will hold, he hopes. ]